Writing has always been something I was drawn to. Since 2011 I’ve managed two different blogs about fitness, my life, and many other topics. But for most of 2017 I found myself lost in space and pulled away from the keyboard. For a few years while writing hundreds of motivating and educational blog posts I found myself faking much of life. Not that I wasn’t doing.. but the feeling inside of me was not the same as reflected through my writing.
You can say that much of my writing was done for myself, as lessons my subconscious was trying to teach my conscious. Time and again I wrote blog posts about living awake and alive, activated, in control, and have books with the same in their titles.. but it was almost like it wasn’t true. My feelings, emotions, and mental state didn’t match the words my fingers typed, or at least it feels that way.
A good part of this past year was spent in a state of consciousness that was frozen in time. I felt, and some days, still feel like my mind is a pile of melted plastic. My focus was lost. My drive and motivation to succeed in life, family, business, and jiu jitsu faded away and stagnant I became.
Excuses piled on top of more excuses?
I don’t think so. I believe I lost sight of my purpose after working myself into a burned out state. This is hard for people to realize because we’re living in a society that cums to the words “no excuses” and lives and breathes by doing.. getting.. always being busy.
That isn’t me and I tried to wear those clothes and I fell flat on my face.
Life Hulk Smashed me into the ground the way the incredible one did to Loki and then Thor. I am lost.. trying to hold the broken pieces and find the instruction booklet without everything falling out of my grip.
But to settle there and say I quit is not the way of the warrior. There is always a way out. There is ying to yang. Dark to light. Recently my family and I have been going through a major life change and doing it smashed me some more.. but through the tunnel I now see the light.
I got away from the good things I enjoyed, like writing, jiu jitsu, fishing, and meditation. Slowly things are coming back and today begins a new season of life. Jim Rohn, a famous author and motivational speaker, always talked about the seasons of life. Some moments of your life you’re in summer when the light shines, the crops give abundance, and we’re secure.. safe. Other moments are dark, cold, icy, and miserable like the winter. But no matter what season you are currently in, there is a break in the seasons coming.
Failure is the greatest teacher. Nothing can humble you more, teach you more, and prepare you more for the next season then failure. It’s hard for people to admit failure and it’s one the biggest fears people have. As a personal trainer I see people terrified of trying to exercise because of failure. But I’m here today telling you I failed, hard. I fucked up. I made bad decisions, I got weak, I was depressed, angry, and sad. Failure won and I lost.. and right now it’s war.
Victory is in sight and I feel like I am ready for this battle.. to finally win again and get back to where I was before. I’m not ready to let failure win for good. There is a way up and I’ll find the pinnacle.
Life punches hard. Mindsets fade to black from white. Passion and purpose get thrown in a locked box.. but there is always a way to keep trying, to keep moving forward.. never giving up.
Failure won once and taught me some of the most valuable lessons I needed to learn. Lessons nobody in my world could have ever taught me. I had to go through them. I had to experience what it was like. Sure, I can cry and quit.. but I’m an Activator.
Time to get to work.