Getting Motivated to Show Up

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As I drove to the gym with my kids to get there an hour before my next scheduled class, I thought about the workout ahead. My mind was racing with numbers. How many sets of squats, what weight, how many reps was I going to do. Let’s do eight, no I’m exhausted let’s do three, no three isn’t enough, I’m going for five. Then I thought about the sled drags, the pull-ups, the dips, and how many reps I would do. When I arrived, I was mentally exhausted from thinking so much, all while trying to listen to a Joe Rogan Podcast episode.

The mind went on and on trying to get my body to accept something less than it’s capable of. We all have these thoughts. Many of the members of my gym never realize how strong and able they are until I make them show me. For me, it’s different though. I don’t have a coach with me. My two kids are running around and I need to be quick. The motivation to move doesn’t come easy.

There are definitely days I let the inner bitch win. It sucks, but it happens. Do I regret it or dwell on it? No, I just pick up the pieces the next time and get rolling. On the days where I need to motivate myself to lift heavy, when I’m sore or exhausted, I just think about the men and women in the gym and how hard they work. I stand there in front of them telling them what to do and they do it. If they can, I sure as hell can. Of course I need to be motivated. Some days I’ll see my daughter sitting down on the big blue mat with her gorgeous eyes and beautiful smile fixated on Daddy. She’s watching me. She wants to see what I do. If I quit, she’ll remember that Daddy didn’t do it. If I give it my best, she’ll see me try hard and remember that Daddy worked hard. That’s all the motivation I need to push beyond my mind’s limits.

When you feel stuck and you don’t have motivation to exercise or eat well, it’s often not a simple fix but it requires some work. We don’t like hearing that word. Work is seen in today’s world as something that is hard, boring, a nuisance, a hassle, and more. We’ve become comfortable in our day to day lives and while we work our nine to fives, anything before or after that is a big no-no. Many people race home from work to eat dinner and then unplug. This is excellent for the mind but when it’s everyday, it’s a death trap.

Our minds and bodies are physically, mentally, and emotionally drained throughout the day. This is why exercise first thing in the morning is a great idea. Once we are zapped for our mental and physical energy through the demands of work, family, and social media, we don’t have much left. Getting to move in the gym seems like “hard work” and we refuse to sweat, to get sore, and to feel “pain”.

I used to be the same way. The couch is my best friend and every chance I get to veg out, I will, but most of the times, I earned it. The lack of movement and physical effort in our country is ridiculous and something that requires attention. It’s a shame to go through life without testing the limits of physical strength and mental toughness.

The problem is, people are not motivated to give it one hundred percent. This goes right back to the demands of our jobs, families, and more but when you see other people busier than you who working out hard, in shape, eating well, you have to question what’s going on. It’s not the demands of our lives, it’s our mindsets and the only way to ever break out of a slump and get motivated to live activated is by changing our mindset.

The mind will naturally try to talk you out of exercise. The negative thoughts and feelings will pile up and crush any sign of hope when we continue to allow it. How many times have you said you were going to workout tonight and then when it got closer to the time, the mind started saying things like “I’m tired.” “Tomorrow instead.” “I just don’t want to feel the burn..” and more?

Ninety nine percent of the time, starting a workout sucks. The heart is comfortable, the muscles at ease, the lungs relaxed. Getting the machine running is much like warming up a car in the winter. You start it, turn the heat on, and let it warm up. The body works almost the same way. When you begin, you warm-up. You get the joints moving, the heart rate slowly increases, blood starts pumping faster, the breathing changes, and then before you know it, you’re warm and ready for exercise. You started. The hardest part is over.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s never easy to get moving and jumping into a hard workout. But the more we do it, the better we’ll feel and when we start off the workout right, it feels better. The hardest part of working out is showing up. When you show up, you already won. The mind is ready, the body is as well. When you fight yourself in your mind with the thoughts of skipping or the thoughts of difficulty, you’re exhausting yourself and only making it harder for you to show up. Next time, shower the mind with positive thoughts such as “I did it before I can do it again.” “I know I’m capable.” “I’m going to feel a hundred times better once I’m done.” “It’s only thirty minutes!”

Let’s GO!!!!!

Showing My Kids The Warrior Side

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In the gym it was Eight in the morning. I got my kids in, grabbed my coffee and water and proceeded to the squat rack. A few leg swings, deep squats, hip mobility movements, bird dogs, and squat jumps and I was ready to go. Training time. Some days it’s comes good, some days it’s a fight. Most days a little built up energy and anger helps me get through the movements. Most of the time I’m training the kids are wild. They run around the gym, play with the jump ropes, grab the five pound weights and do heavy carries, mimic the burpees I do, or play with the cars I have. Sometimes my daughter puts on the boxing gloves and goes to town on the heavy bag.

Recently I started pushing a little harder during the workouts. It’s eight o’clock and I have class at nine. I need to get done before people start showing up. It’s fascinating to see how little one must truly rest. I used to see guys resting three, four, or five minutes after doing a sub maximal load movement like it was a heavy deadlift and they needed to fully recharge. My rest periods are thirty seconds. Some times less. First I do the main movement whether it’s squats or deadlifts and then I go into the accessory work. I super set everything. It helps me get done, keeps the heart pumping, and by the time I finish the last set I have enough time to wipe the sweat from my face and start class.

If I didn’t train before my nine o’clock class I would find every excuse in the book to skip it. I’ve learned to get moving when the mind doesn’t want to. The days I train I am up at four in the morning. I usually don’t roll out of bed for twenty minutes and hate getting started. The lack of sleep has caught up with me and anyone who says sleep is for pussies is an asshole. Sleep is crucial and when you don’t get enough, you miss it. I get to the gym to open up for my five o’clock class and by the time I’m done with the early morning sessions, I’m shot. I want my bed, I want to close my eyes, I want more sleep. I get home and grab a smoothie and coffee and the kids and head right back for my time.

Lifting weights is more than physical appearance or strength. It’s like a drug. The body creates “feel good” hormones and the negative thoughts fade away. There’s nothing like testing your body through physical movement and resistance. Heavy squats bring more than physical strength. They bring mental toughness and feelings of accomplishment. Heavy carries, sled drags, pull-ups, and dips build muscle, strength, and they conquer the inner bitch in the mind that tries to settle for comfort. When the training starts to feel easy, you know you’re drifting into the comfort zone and convenience. It’s time to change a thing or two.

Training with the kids in the gym is fun but at times ridiculous. When your less than two year old walks under the bar of your heavy squats when in the deep position you kind of freak out a little. What if he grabs my leg? What if the plates slide off since I don’t clip them when training alone? But when he gets close it’s a surge of Adrenaline. I love having my kids in the gym with me. They watch me test myself three times or more a week. They see me put my body through the stress of resistance training. They hear me grunt, curse, sweat, and scream. They see me breathe heavily and give it one more shot. Then they get to watch me work, like the old days when men would bring their sons to the field, the farm, the shop, the railway, or the mines. Kids used to see their fathers bust their ass and I’m grateful mine see it almost everyday. They see me crush weakness and build strength. They see me fight the inner bitch. They see me act with courage and fight fear as I add more weight. Then they see me help other people. I couldn’t ask for anything more. At times it’s crazy but looking at the big picture, it’s beautiful.

Attack Life With A Warrior’s Heart Part 1

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If I could go back in time to visit my twenty year old self, I’d first throw a nasty punch right in the face of who he was becoming. Then I’d tell him this..

Attack Life With A Warrior’s Heart

What does that mean?

What is a “warrior’s heart”?

A warrior in my opinion isn’t just an Army solider or a Navy Seal nor a Samurai Solider. A warrior is anyone who is fighting the fight to live life activated and in control. Someone trying to better themselves and someone who is taking full responsibility for their life.

Attacking life with a warrior’s heart is the way of the warrior. The way to the top, to fulfillment and purpose. A warrior strives to do and be their best and the battles they face each day help make them who they are.. stronger, healthier, wiser.

A warrior has strength, courage, and determination. They see the good that can come out of struggle and hardship.

A warrior isn’t looking to tell their excuses, even though they may have some, but they’re looking for ways to defeat them.

Attacking life with a warrior’s heart is the only way to live if you want to make the most out of this short journey. It’s the only way to become activated and to be your best.

There are different situations in life that test our heart. Do we all have the heart of a warrior?

I believe so. I believe that deep within each of us is the longing to be our best. The strength to give it our all. The courage to stand in the face of fear and the determination to never give up.

Is the warrior’s heart something we’re born with?

I think so. I think we are all warrior’s. Life is hard sometimes and there are many struggles and a lot of suffering. Somehow life goes on and we continue to try. This is from the warrior within.

A warrior’s heart is strengthened or weakened in every action of life. If we quit, it softens. If we struggle through and come out on top, it strengthens.

So how do you attack life with a warrior’s heart?

I’ll start with fitness since that is what I do. We all know diet and exercise is important. We all know that fast food and junk food is not good for our health and over-consumption can lead to weight gain. We know that exercise helps us feel better, burns calories, and optimizes our hormone production among other things.

Then why do so many people fail to grasp those facts and do something about it?

Most likely the reason is because they never allowed the warrior’s heart to strengthen by practicing good nutrition and exercising often. They feel the battle is not worth the fight or they feel fear when in the heat of the battle. When you decide to skip a workout, your warrior heart loses a battle. If you have the time, or made the time, to exercise and instead you pass it up to do something different, you’re telling the warrior within that exercise is not important. That action chips away at the bulletproof armor your warrior heart wears.

Attack exercise and good nutrition with a warrior’s heart. The warrior makes the time to exercise and sticks with it. The warrior feels like resting his or her head and skipping the workout, but gets up and does it anyway. The warrior is disciplined in their commitments to living activated.

It’s hard for many people to understand this and then actually do something about it. I blame society and then I blame their parents. It might not be the full fault of parents, but they had the chance to change what they were taught. Good nutrition and exercise does not just happen, unless there were extreme situations like a man abused by his father or a man whose father never told him he was good enough. Men in these situations tend to be perfectionists with many things in their lives. Good nutrition and exercise should be taught to all young and not just through words. Actually showing those kids what it means to be a warrior through fitness.

Attacking diet and exercise with a warrior’s heart is simple. Commit to doing it. Make it a non-negotiable part of your life. Schedule the workouts in your week and then show up. Commit to eating well and then act like an adult and do the hard work. The warrior may not want to cook chicken and broccoli for the third night in a row, but the warrior knows it helps and he’s grateful for even having the course available.

Relationships

Many people are in relationships and many people do not attack those relationships like a warrior should. Yes the lover in you is different from the warrior within but without the warrior’s heart, the courage, and determination- a lover won’t do their best. Relationships take work.That work won’t be done unless you operate from the warrior’s heart.

A warrior makes time for their love. They have the strength to do the hard work ahead. A warrior is also very giving in their time and energy. An example of the warrior heart in relationships is when a man or woman gives their time and energy with no expectations. The dishes get done, the laundry done, the meals prepped. The male warrior sees the mess and instead of leaving it for the female warrior, he cleans it. The male warrior knows the female warrior needs a break and he stands up and offers to make it happen, to care for whatever she needs cared for during her time alone.

The warrior’s heart is most importantly- giving. There need not be expectations of sex, validation, or affirmation for the job done, just love and gratitude. The warrior in relationships makes the commitment to love the other fully and fulfill the loved ones needs through action. When you know you should get flowers or a six pack of beer, you stop and get it. The warrior doesn’t make excuses, he or she cares for their loved one and therefore they stop and do what needs to be done.

Get up and Act

Attack life with a warrior’s heart and you will watch the suffering within you start to disappear. You will see that the struggles and hardships become easier to overcome. A warrior takes the bumps and bruises but stays course. Attacking life with the heart of a warrior means you attack the hard things in life with strength, courage, determination, and purpose. The warrior within is waiting to be trained and needs you to activate your life. Commit to your life like a warrior, commit to winning the battle and live in the strength you have within you.

Stay tuned for Part 2

How To Battle The Inner Bitch

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Yesterday I was home with my kids. It was a rough day. They were fired up and acting like it was a full moon. For most of the day I was making sure they didn’t kill each other or jump through a window. The noise was like a packed nightclub. My energy and motivation was sucked right out of my eye sockets.

I wanted to make a million excuses to make my day easier.

But then I remembered that nothing good ever comes from being a little bitch.

The battle on the inside, the one that goes something like this “I’m going to skip my workout today and go harder tomorrow.”, we face each day is a test of our strength, our fortitude, our passion, and our discipline. While I could have used the exhausting day with the kids as an excuse to skip my workout, I decided to punch the inner bitch right in the teeth.

I got to my gym an hour before scheduled classes. Plenty of time for me to hit the heavy bag and release some of the primal aggression that was building up inside from sitting around the house most of the day. I wrapped my hands up and set the round timer on my phone. Five rounds of five minutes.

Before this, I never did more than three rounds of five minutes.

Today, the inner bitch was going to taught a lesson.

By the way- if you don’t know the term “Inner Bitch”, it’s something comedian and UFC announcer Joe Rogan likes to call the ego fight within, like what Steven Pressfield calls “resistance”.

When I started the workout, I was not in it. There was no fuel to add to the fire. There was no motivation like after you watch a Rocky movie and there was no desire to even hit the bag. As you can bet, my punches were soft and weak. I looked like a chump.

But something happened that happens when you begin to move and “warm-up”. You get into it. You begin to feel it and you begin to enjoy it. My workout ended up being great. I held nothing back and released a lot of built up rage and fought the demons we call the “inner bitch”.

How do you battle the Inner Bitch?

Everybody is going to tackle it differently and everybody has a different inner bitch for different areas in life.

It could be your job. Maybe you hate going to work and you do the absolute bare minimum, enough to not get fired. Well that’s lazy and pathetic. If you don’t like your job, don’t fuck someone else over by working like a bum. I did that and it’s embarrassing. Simply find a new job or fight the inner bitch and do the very best you can do.

Maybe your relationship requires a lot of your time and energy and needs work to improve. Instead of withdrawing and not giving yourself fully, suck it up and figure out a way to either leave or make it better.

The “inner bitch” is the voice inside that says “Not now, later.” or “I’ll get to it one day.” and then you don’t do it and the inner bitch wins.

If you want to win, you need to fight.. everyday!

Battling the inner bitch takes effort, takes purpose, and takes guts. It takes responsibility and some real hard truths. You take your life and put it on the surgeon’s table and get to work. Remove the unhealthy parts, stitch up the damage, and tell yourself the diagnosis. It’s not easy to take a look at your life subjectively and examine yourself. We often try to hide the truth and lie about what we really see.

We settle and hide behind comfort.

You’ll never win the battle without starting at the truth. Begin the fight by telling the truth and then lace up your boots, grab your sword, and go out swinging.

On Living Your Life With Honesty

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Ask yourself this question: “Am I an honest person?”

If you’re like most people you answered yes. Now, ask yourself this question: “Am I honest with other people?”

You probably said yes and why wouldn’t you? Most of us are nice, caring, honest people. But there’s something that doesn’t sit right with me about saying we’re all honest people. Look around your life and see if there are some things that you notice that bother you and you fail to mention them. Why are we failing to mention those things?

For example, I know several people who are overweight. They drink hard almost every weekend. Some smoke. Some eat like children. I’m not an honest person. If I was, since I care about these people, I’d be honest with them. The truth is, I believe some of these people are going to die early preventable deaths. Why am I not speaking up for their well being and let them know I am concerned?

Sure, it’s none of my business, but the problem is- I’m afraid of being honest.

I’m not alone here either and it goes beyond what we see in other people.

In the gym I know how to get people results. I provide quality workouts for our members and give excellent, proven and tested, nutrition advice to them as well. There is absolutely no reason, besides not doing the work, that a member shouldn’t see results. What I hear from some is nothing but a legitimate lie. We’re ashamed of speaking the truth and embarrassed by failure and being vulnerable.

We have to get up and find the courage to admit the truth. When I see people talk about not knowing what to do to lose weight or why they’re not getting results, many times, they’re lying. They’re not being honest with themselves. A few questions can point that out quickly. What did you eat? What did you drink? When did you exercise?

Answering these questions truthfully and being vulnerable is the only way we’ll get results.

Living your life with honesty means that you do the work to ask yourself the hard questions, speak what’s on your mind, and never sugarcoat the situation.

Here are some quick questions to help you look within to see if you’re being honest with yourself. I’d take out a piece of paper and write the questions down and the answers. Nobody has to see this stuff. You can tear it out and burn it to the ground when you’re done, but the introspection of your life will help you with being honest and living your life honestly.

- Are you being true to the person inside?

- How much effort are you truly giving to your goals?

- Where is there room for improvement in my life and am I capable of doing it?

- Where am I lying to myself and others?

- Do the people you surround yourself with make you happy? If not, why are they still around? If so, do you tell them often?

- What self-destructive behaviors and habits do I have? How can I overcome them?

- What am I afraid of?

- Who am I angry at?

- Who made me feel sad, angry, and ashamed?

- Do I take my life seriously?

- What am I most passionate about?

- What would I do if I could do anything in the world? What’s stopping me?

- Am I willing to do the work needed to make that happened?

- Am I afraid of making decisions?

These questions are just a start. There are mountains of self-discovery questions you can ask yourself. The whole point is that to live an honest life, we must be honest with ourselves and have the discipline to stay honest and call ourselves out if needed. We must be ruthless and committed to the values we set, the words we talk, and the walk we walk. When we don’t live an honest life we release our power and the control over our own life. We let people walk over us and we allow things to happen that we’d never allow if we were honest. Remember, being honest takes fucking balls. It takes courage and it’s okay to be afraid and to cry and to feel pain. It’s a growing process and without going through it, we’ll stay right where we are.

Be The Captain of Your Crusade

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Life is a journey from one point (birth) to another (death) and the journey is a crusade through valleys, up hills, and down rivers. You must be the captain of this crusade. Life will not bring you all that you seek and desire just because you wish. Life will throw you down, choke you out, and kick dirt over you. YOU must be the captain and you must lead the way.

Every now and then I see a post on Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube that talks about being owed something, being tied down by the “forces”, being controlled by “my job”, and being “taken advantage of”. I see people complain that their hours at work are long, they’re underpaid, bored, and ready for the weekend. This is a cry for help.

The Captain is Lost!

As the Captain of your Crusade, you led yourself into the trap, the war, the battle, and the depressive situations. Nobody else. People who read your post may have empathy because they shared, or shared, similar experiences in their Crusade, but they’re not going to Captain the crusade through your journey. Only you can do that.

Often, because of lack of true life experiences and proper education on reality, we find ourselves stuck in these shitty situations. It’s nobody’s fault but your own. Rule number one: Accept 100% Responsibility for YOUR life. By pointing fingers and blaming others or circumstances, you’re trying to put that responsibility on somebody else, and it’s not theirs.

Be the Captain! Stand up, assume control, and do the work needed to bring you into the clear. It’s not going to be easy. It’s actually a lot of hard work, but you can do it. You know you can do it.

As the Captain, you make the decisions. If you’re married or involved or there are kids in the picture, you must consider that, but as you decide, it’s your job as Captain to do what is best.

If your job sucks, get a new one. Don’t make excuses or blame anybody else, just do the fucking work needed. Stop being a bitch and act. If your health is crap, you’re fat, out of shape, and winded from stairs, don’t blame your wife, your mother, your stressful job. It’s not their fault. It’s your choices. Own up to it like a champ and demand excellence out of yourself.

When you find yourself denying any problems, when clearly they are there, and you don’t own up the responsibility to fix the problem, you are not being the Captain of your Crusade. Well, technically you are and you’re leading your ship into dangerous territory where you’re going to get slaughtered, captured, and destroyed.

A Captain accepts responsibility.

A Captain welcomes adversity.

A Captain stands tall in battle and pushes forward.

A Captain acts with the best of interests and doesn’t lie about what those interests are. A deceitful captain is a coward and a liar.

A Captain fights off intruders who try to take control of their Crusade.

A shipwrecked or defeated Captain owns that result and seeks the help of others with honor and dignity and the willingness to listen and learn.

Be responsible for the journey of your life and command control. You know where you want to go. So go there. Now.

5 Things All Men Should Do For A Better Life

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For starters, let’s just get this out now… If you’re a pussy you need to wake the fuck up. There is much going on in the world today that you are not aware of and in order to live your best life, be happy, and in control… You need to wake up and smell the roses. Men, we need to wake up and gain control of our lives and march forward through progress with confidence and self-esteem. As a child, you may or may not have learned what it means to be a man.  I’ll admit, my life as a grown man has been very challenging and a lot of the issues I’ve gone through probably could have been avoided had I learned a few things about life. My problem was I hid from everything because I didn’t want confrontation, difficulty, and stress. That was a mistake and many of the choices I’ve made have been mistakes. You probably made a few mistakes as well and you probably had to overcome so extremely difficult situations. One problem I see around me is that men are not trying. Their being big babies, afraid of fighting for what they believe in, afraid of standing up for themselves. Men are being lazy wimps. They’re allowing their women to pussy whip them. Men are hiding from adversity and they’re not putting in the work where they need to. If you think everything is against you, like there is no hope for a successful future, like the world owes you something, like you’ll never reach the level of life you want to reach, then you’re lying to yourself and not telling the truth is the first mistake many men make. A great man taught me that all progress starts with the truth and if you don’t want progress in your life, if you don’t want a better life (not sure why you’re reading this), then stop now and go play Call of Duty.

Men need to stop the political correctness and whining. Men need to release the true primal masculine energy that is within us all. Soft dicks don’t get any action and if you’re not hard as a steel pipe than these five things are going to serve you well. Follow the advice. It’s game and life changing.

Today, we’ve gone way too far from the world we once lived in. When teepees and dirt floors were the norm. Fuck that’s a long time ago and now we have iPhones and cool ass cars made of debt. We have microwave ovens and suits that cost as much as buffalo. Some cost more. That right there is pansy ass shit. I don’t care if you think you’re the most masculine and alpha male around, if your suit costs more than a few hundred bucks.. you’re a silly dick.

There is a great need in the world today for the endangered alpha male to rise back up and stake claim in what is rightfully theirs. Of course we’ll never go back to living the primitive life but since it’s a part of our DNA, it’s important to make it a part of your life. This isn’t a once a year thing or a some of the time thing. It’s life. As in wake your ass up and do this shit often.

Five things you should do for a better life:

1. Fight/Wrestle

Within every man there is a beast that is caged and waiting while drooling through the teeth for a moment to pounce on it’s victim. More on pouncing in a bit. But, there is a deeply suppressed aggressive beast that idly sits inside of every man on Earth. This isn’t good for the everyday life of sitting in the office or listening to Prince during the horrible rush hour commute.

This suppressed aggressive energy is killing you. Literally killing you slowly. When there is an energy within the body that’s need releasing, like sexual energy, and that release is blocked or backed up, suppressed by life, it creates tension and dis-ease within the body. Every man would do themselves wise to release this aggressive energy.

One of the best ways is through fighting or wrestling or rough housing. We did it all the time as kids. Especially if you had brothers. We’d jump off the fucking pool ladder like we were Superfly Sunaka or Macho Man and drop elbows all day. We’d run on the football field (the backyard) and just wait to be tackled to the ground. Headlocks and chokeholds were abundant in the locker room or just for shits and giggles. We released this energy like animals do. Ever watch a puppy or bear cubs? They fight all the time.

Mature male animals do this too. They fight for territory and they fight for food and they fight for pussy.  Why do we have to stop this as adults? We don’t. And we shouldn’t. During hunter gatherer times we had to kill shit with our hands. We had to wrestle off intruders looking to rape our women and steal our supplies. It’s built in us.

Don’t suppress your fighting instinct and the need for aggressive release. Try doing some MMA, Jiu Jitsu, Wrestling, Kickboxing, Mauy Thai, or Boxing. Grab a punching bag and hang it in your garage. Kick the shit out of it and scream while you do it.

2. Exercise

You’re a grown ass adult. You’re a man and maybe a man of the house with a woman and children. You’re not a kid anymore and you KNOW it’s important to exercise and to move. Why do we even need to say this? Exercise should be something you get hard over. Exercise should be something that is not fucking negotiable in your daily routine.

Nothing makes your life better than a good old fashioned workout. The release of chemicals and the good shit happening inside your MIND and body is going to make your essence stronger and your alphaness shoot through the roof. How can you even think about not doing some kind of training?

You are strong. You are meant to be strong. It’s your responsibility to be strong. Would you rather be a weak bitch or a strong motherfucker when it came time to fight for your life? Would your woman rather hold arms that are tight and strong or arms that she can use to clean the spinach out of her teeth?

Computer warriors and office junkies need to understand something- being strong is sexy as fuck.

3. Become Awake and Alive

What does becoming awake and alive mean? It means that you’re in touch with your mind, your body, your sexual energy, your desire, your passion, your purpose, your spiritual self, controlling your own happiness and health.

When was the last time you read a book about your mind and how it works? What about a book about spirituality? When was the last time you asked yourself what you’re passionate about? How about happiness? Are you in control of that or do outside circumstances dictate how you feel?

I used to be miserable. Angry and unfucking happy to the point I shriveled up on a couch like death had stroked my shoulders and my life plummeted to rock bottom. I let outside circumstances tell me how to feel, what to think, what to do.. unaware and not alive.

Becoming awake and alive means you take control of everything. Your mind gets fed what it needs to be strong. Your body gets moved and trained in primal and aggression releasing ways. Your sex life is controlled not by the woman in your life but your own voice, your own energy, you take the lead and whisk her away never asking but instead giving. Your passion is used for the greater good of humankind and you live purposefully, always improving your situation and loving each minute of it. Your spiritual side is conscious and you make it a point to own your beliefs but you keep it at home. Your happiness is something you choose. Your happiness is in your hands and you realize it and let it shine forward to others around you.

4. Eat Good Food

Again, you’re an adult. Eat like it. Living life through fast food and partying hard every week is NOT going to bring you a better life. A grown ass man eats what he knows he should eat. I am a firm believer that each of us knows and understands exactly what we should be eating. This isn’t ten year old Timmy at Mommy’s dinner table time. This is grown man life and the food you put in your body matters.

It matters to your heart, your mind, your cock, your lover, your kids, and your happiness. Fueling yourself with garbage is a shortcut to a limp dick, a bad heart, a clouded mind, and a non-existent sex life. No further explanation needed. Eat like a man.

5. Sex

No shit sex will give you a better life but there’s a problem. Too many men are in it for themselves. We’ve grown up with Kelly Bundy, Spice TV, free internet porn, and Playboy magazine. You’ve jerked it way too much to be fully in touch with your sexual energy. When it comes time to make love in the bedroom, you’re thrusting for ejaculation and you’re not even aware of the energy created between two people, not even aware of the enormous power a well fucked woman will give you willingly in your life. There’s a rule.. she comes first. If she doesn’t, pack your shit up and get out.

If you want more sex, better sex, and more fulfilling sex then treat her like a sex goddess. Inside of every woman, whether she makes excuses like “I’m tired” or “Maybe tomorrow”, is a woman dripping to be fucked like the goddess she is. She’s waiting for you or maybe some other man to twist her panties and whisk her away into the world of orgasmic pleasure. Sex is not about pumping and dumping.

There used to be a disease in the medical dictionary called Hysteria. It was diagnosed to women who were sexually frustrated. A doctor, probably some alpha male, would masturbate her to release that frustration and blockage of sexual energy. Men were not cutting it. They were in it for themselves.

Remember the rule. She comes first. Learn how to make the act of sex an act of shared joy, pleasure, and connection.

This is probably one of the most aggressive posts that I ever wrote, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is men these days are being little children who are afraid of hard work and facing the tough conversations. We’re being told to control ourselves and lashed at when something we say isn’t politically correct. Men are being selfish with childish desires and they’re not embracing the true power within. Men are being pushed around and forced to act confined. We have our values misaligned and our ideas suffocated by fears. Men need to take a stand and claim ownership over their lives, their choices, their actions, and bring to their families, friends, and places of employment the true masculine energy within that’s needed for a better society. Stop hiding with your tail tucked away. It’s time to shine.

What I’ve Learned About Being A Man

I don’t want to use that term lightly. Being a man is something beyond having a penis and some facial hair. It’s beyond construction boots and lifted trucks. It’s bigger than fishing and hunting or football or martial arts. All of these things, besides the penis, women can do as well. Being a man is more about what goes on within ourselves, then in appearances or hobbies.

Recently I’ve been reading some books recommended to me about men, manhood, masculinity, and other men topics. I’ve also listened to several podcasts and audiobooks, and as I cut through the facade, because there is a huge facade, of bullshit talk and the actual walk, I’ve come to learn quite a few things that ring bells. As I go into the list below, I want to make it known that in my life, I have probably gone against almost everything you’re going to read. It wasn’t until recently that I found my grip on things, on the real world, on why things happen the way they happen and more. For a long time in my life I’ve been the little boy, afraid of the big bad wolf, and the consequences of those actions have smacked me dead in the face and given me many wake up calls. The journey is individualistic in nature and everyone is different. What you experienced as a child has a lasting impact on who you are today and for many decades now, Moms and Dads have been getting it wrong. We’re in a situation now where our little boys are being turned into pussies, scaredy cats, and Momma Boys. It’s a hard truth that men and women both need to realize, so that this generation of boys can grow into Wild Men, real men, and their true self.

Here’s what I’ve learned about being a man:

- Men make decisions

You want to go out to dinner with your wife? Don’t ask her where, or IF, she wants to go. Just make the decision and do it. Men are decisive. When there is doubt, it’s unattractive and creates tension. As leaders men need to make fast decisions based on their values, their feelings, and their wants. What a man wants is important and when he’s decisive on his wants, his confidence shines and he stands with authority.

- Men need to be initiated into manhood

In aboriginal cultures, South American cultures, and many other countries around the world, especially in tribal communities, boys are initiated into manhood. This is something the American culture has forgotten and it creates many problems as the boy grows into an adult. An uninitiated man is indecisive, not confident, worrisome, and operates from a little boy perspective.

- Men help out around the house and are active with their children

A man in the house who doesn’t change diapers, feed a child, cook for the family, do the dishes and laundry, and clean the house is a man who doesn’t have his priorities straight. Men help out around the house to let their wives relax when needed and they play with their children. They read books to their children. They run around the house like a nut with their children. They punish when needed and coddle when needed. A man puts his family first in everything he does, and within that family, he puts his wife first.

- Men need to be a part of a Men’s Group

There are a lot of men who don’t have quality male mentors in their lives. Some men feel they don’t have anyone to talk to you about important topics or men who will hold them accountable and push them to develop their skills to become the best man they can be. Men’s Groups are critical for the livelihood of men and their positive mental attitudes. There are thousands of men’s groups across the country that are helping men grow, give, perform, and continue to be happy. Men need a sacred circle of guys they trust who will not bullshit them, who will help them, guide them, and listen to them. Men also need men’s groups for outings such as camping, fishing, beer drinking, poker games, fitness events, and more. Here is an online Men’s Group you can join Free: Your Life Alpha

- Men need to channel their Warrior Spirit

There is warrior energy in every man. In today’s society we think of those in the Armed Forces as Warriors, or movie stars and Mixed Martial Art Champions, or National Football League All-Pros. But the truth is, we all have a warrior spirit and many men are uncomfortable with it. Ever since the industrial revolution the warrior energy has been suppressed in men all over the world. The warrior energy inside of every man is the energy that pushes them to fight for their lives, their successes, their families, their finances, and their health. Many people fear the warrior because they feel men will use it to be abusive and angry. Men have been afraid of channeling the warrior within because they want to be Mr. Nice Guy. But the warrior energy channeled properly will help men become confident, purposeful, aggressive in a sense of action not violence, and able to survive the obstacles that life throws our way. Channel this energy through physical action such as martial arts, exercise, hiking, boxing, and also self-improvement.

- Men have boundaries and Defend Them

Sometimes men need to be the bad guy and stand up to their beliefs and values. An example of boundaries might be at work when you are already working overtime and your boss pushes more onto your desk. You have an event to go to that your kid is in and if you stay you’ll miss it again, but this time you say no and tell the boss that your family comes first and that you must go. Worrying about getting fired is weakness. Standing up to your values is strength. Men do not let others take advantage of them. They control their lives and act accordingly to what they believe in and value. Men don’t accept boundary pushers and do not allow them in their lives or space.

- Men are leaders

A man must be a leader. Whether it’s leading at home with his family, at work in his department, or in a group of friends, a man needs to be a good leader. What makes a good leader? They’re honest, dependable, smart, decisive, ambitious, and able to control situations. Many men are afraid of being the leader in their home or career. They don’t want the awesome responsibility of making decisions and being honest with their feelings. Men that are good leaders are not lazy. They handle their business effectively and create a positive atmosphere. Being a good leader, men are not manipulated by their wives, co-workers, friends, and other family members. Men that are leaders initiate and act on their feelings without asking for permission and they do so out of love. Men can’t be good leaders if they are not leading by example either. Men must lead by backing up the talk with walking the walk.

- Men have discipline, confidence, and are dependable

Men are not babies and don’t make excuses. They have discipline. With their fitness men are disciplined to make it to the gym and get the work done. They have discipline to eat healthy foods more than they eat like shit. In their work they are disciplined to do the tasks needed to get the job done. They are disciplined in how they treat their vehicles and their home. As they use discipline to help them succeed in life, they do so with confidence. A man has confidence in his appearance, his thoughts, his work, his ability to be a leader in his home, career, and community, and they are dependable. A man doesn’t say they will be there, wherever that is, and not show up. They get there early.

- Men have a purpose driven life

Men don’t go to work and come home to sit their asses on the couch and sink into the pollution of television. Men have a purpose and they follow it with confidence. Men work hard and have a plan for that work. They know where they want to go and they work hard to get there. Thomas Carlyle once said “A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.” If you don’t have a purpose, or know it, all you need to do is ask yourself “What do I want from life?” And then go fucking get it.

- Men are life learners

Men spend more time learning new things then they do wasting their time in Facebook and through television. I heard Tony Robbins once say “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Men who have no growth game in their life are dying and wasting away. If you want to make more money, you need to learn how to do it. If you want to lose twenty pounds, you need to learn how to do it. Men who know what they want in life are learning about how to get it right now while the little boys are playing xBox, watching mindless television crap, or down at the bar drinking for the third night in a row.

- Men avoid Domestication

Domestication is a hard word for people to hear, especially little boys. They don’t believe they’re being domesticated by being told what to do and what to think and what to buy, but it happens everywhere. Not only does corporate America try to domesticate men, but women do as well. When a man gets married it’s not uncommon to hear his wife’s lady friends or mothers, aunts, and other female relatives say something like “So you’ve got him domesticated now!” Like it is something special and noteworthy. Women can begin to “domesticate” their men after marriage by playing with their emotions, their decisiveness, their ability to lead, and their hobbies. A woman can begin to “not accept” that her husband stays out on Friday playing poker with the boys, and when he does, she gets “angry and upset” and shows those emotions through tears and refusal of sex. Men don’t allow them to do this. They call out their childish behavior and stand up to them. Little boys try to “make it up” to them or beg for forgiveness. Men also don’t allow anyone to tell them what to think, buy, say, and feel.

Today I continue my learning on becoming a better man, a better husband, better at everything. I have learned much through my failures as both a business owner and a husband, as well as a father. The thing is, I see much of what I did wrong happening in the lives of other men and I see a great need to help them and others become their best self. That is why I created the free Facebook group found here: Your Life Alpha. Check it out and let me know what you’ve learned about being a man.

5 Things Men Should Do Daily

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Last year I started getting on track with daily rituals. Meditation, exercise, writing, and more. Then I decided to stay at home with the kids and leave my job to focus on raising my children and avoid spending my paychecks on daycare while trying to grow my business. Well things changed pretty fast. My daily rituals were thrown out the door fast as I was left scrambling trying to stay on my feet. It’s hard to say this because I used to be homeless and things were pretty tough, but last year was one of the hardest years of my life. Between running the business and maintaining order in the household and keeping my kids safe until mom got home, I nearly lost my mind. Rituals? I had to laugh. Every day I would read a Facebook post or watch a video about establishing daily morning rituals and thought “What the fuck goes on their life that they could do that?” and realized the only way I could set morning rituals and do them was if I woke up at three in the morning everyday. Yeah, right on it.

I understand life is crazy and our schedules flop around so much that setting and sticking to rituals is very hard, if not unrealistic. Especially when there are kids in the picture. But that doesn’t mean we can’t create daily goals and unalterable terms we live by. Below is a list of five things I think all men should do daily. In daily, I don’t mean seven days a week. I mean daily like in “The kids are behaving and allowing me the opportunity to sit down and eat”.

1. Exercise

It’s well known that exercise releases a cocktail of feel good hormones that help people live happier, healthier lives. It’s also well known that the need for exercise (movement) is something that is part of our DNA. More importantly, men should exercise daily to help their production of testosterone. Test is linked to many qualities of men’s lives. Testosterone plays critical roles in men’s sex drive, bone mass, body fat, muscle tissue, and physical energy. A man lacking in testosterone is risking problems such as erectile dysfunction, low sex drive, low energy, weakness in muscle and bone, growth of breast tissue, and depression. Along with a proper diet, exercise can help combat these potential issues for years to come.

If you don’t exercise now, you should start and be smart about it. That could be a ten minute walk or a half hour in a swimming pool. The point is to start slow so that you can enjoy the process and make it a part of your daily life.

2. Self-Discovery

If you’re like most men you grew up with other men and family members teaching you how to do life. Every step of the way through being a young child until after you bought your first home (or still to this day) we have other men and even women, and now social media, telling us what to think, how to act, how to dress, how to treat women, where to go to school and work, why you should buy a home, what you should do with your money, and more. Nearly everything we do has been either a mirror reflection of the people surrounding our lives or the exact opposite.

Self-discovery is something we should work on each day through the means of learning about who we really are. Whether that is meditation, exercise, reading, listening to podcasts, attending seminars, or simply being, self-discovery is important to your happiness and livelihood. How many men do you know, and it could be you, that are angry at their current life situation? Maybe they followed the advice of their fathers, mothers, or best friends and when it boils down to self, they realize it’s not who they are. With all the input surrounding our lives on a constant basis, the most important information we can use for the best of our life comes from within.

3. Learn Something New

This could be considered part of number two and self-discovery but for this it’s beyond learning about who you are. In a world of abundance there is so much for us to get our hands on and things we can get into that learning should be a part of our daily life. This could be learning how to repair drywall, change the oil in a car, or who Teddy Roosevelt was. Maybe it’s learning how to keep a house plant alive, how to raise chickens on your property for eggs, or how to do a rear naked choke on a Jiu Jitsu mat or in self-defense. Learning something new everyday takes things into a new world and improves our lives in many ways. One of the best results of the continued practice of learning is the increase in self-confidence. In a world where many men are lacking confidence, there is great power in being someone who exudes confidence. By learning and practicing new things we add to power within.

4. Play

You have kids? Cool, get on the floor and play cowboys and robbers or hide and go seek. Have a wife or girlfriend? Get playful with her by flirting, dancing, doing silly shit that makes her laugh. Have a hobby? Make sure you do it daily or as much as you can each week.

For many men nowadays, especially those with kids and those who grew up in the Nintendo era, play means Xbox or Playstation. Call of Duty or whatever other game is popular right now. That’s cool. Don’t ever listen to someone who says you play too much unless you play more than an hour a day. Playing is important because it crushes the fucker called stress.

Stress will kill you, it’s probably killing you right now- unless you have a way to unload and release the day’s burdens. Hanging out with the family playing games, shooting gamers around the world in your Call of Duty world, or painting your model cars are all forms of stress relief disguised as hobbies. Do it more often.

5. Be Alone

Man, if there is one thing I miss in my life before I started staying home with the kids it’s alone time. When I was at my job I had a half hour commute each way. That was perfect for my alone time. Luckily there was never traffic unless a farmer was driving his tractor down the road, so it was smooth sailing the whole way and the perfect atmosphere for learning something new everyday by listening to podcasts and audiobooks. Besides the commute, I worked from home some days while the kids were in daycare. I was alone and it was quiet and it was joyous.

Extroverts might not understand but I think all men enjoy a bit of quiet and privacy. Nowadays we’re so plugged in with society that nearly every waking hour we’re getting input from millions of directions and sources. We have burdens with finances, job responsibilities, family responsibilities, and society expectations. The phone rings, the emails dings, the kids scream, the wife asks for help, your mother calls, your buddy texts, and the game is on. All of this information overload can drive you bananas if you don’t control it and the best way to handle it…

Alone time in stillness and solitude.

10 Minutes. 20 Minutes. 1 Hour. Whatever it is, find it and learn how to enjoy sitting alone in solitude. Here’s a quote about the importance and power of solitude: “In solitude the mind gains strength and learns to lean upon itself.” -Laurence Sterne

It’s easy to say that all men should do these things daily, what’s hard is actually doing them yourself. I truly believe in walking the walk and practicing what I preach and I genuinely try to make all of these a part of my daily life. I have found the harder I work on learning who I am, about the world, the more I try to play and enjoy hobbies, the harder I try to consistently exercise, and the making an effort for a glimpse of momentary solitude, the more I enjoy life and the people I surround myself with. There are absolutely days where all of these things are thrown out the door, but more so than not, they’re a part of who you see when I smile and what you read when I write. Find your daily things to do and help allow them to activate your life.

Standing Tall Against Fear

Standing tall against fear is hard. It takes balls, guts, and courage to push forward when faced with fear. Taking risks or making shaky moves scares the hell out of us and stops people more than it allows them to pass. Only the brave pass. Only the strong survive. Only the risk taking steel balled courageous lions walk through the fire of fear and stand tall, proud, and in control.

That’s one way to look at it. Another is this, remember that “every time you confront a fear you unconsciously create a belief that you can handle whatever it is you’re afraid of.” I read that in a book by Dr. Robert Glover called No More Mr. Nice Guy. But confronting those fears requires that you stand tall in the face of fear.

It’s easy to look at the things we’re afraid of and accept that it’s too risky or dangerous or scary to attempt. When I decided to move my training into my own facility, I didn’t make enough money to cover the rent. I had to work another job to not only pay my bills at home, take care of my family, and put food on the table, I also had to use some of that cash to pay the landlord. With a daughter at the time under one year old, it’s safe to say I told fear to fuck off. Several people told me I was nuts. Several people told me to Sack Up and do it anyway.

When I decided to take the risk it was like I literally walked through a waterfall of fear. On one side was my fear and the thoughts of failure, the thoughts of being embarrassed at failing, the thoughts of losing my family along the way. On the other side was “Fuck that shit, I’m doing it anyway” and there on a rock in the shining light stood Action. The glowing action was a sign that said “Everything will be okay and work out if you man up, face the fear, and commit to purposeful daily action.”

Some of the scariest moments in life are some of the greatest days and achievements we’ll ever experience. Walking onto the mat at a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu school afraid of failure and embarrassment and then doing it anyway and becoming somewhat skillful is standing tall against fear. Everything starts with the thought of doing something. Every thought of doing something is surrounded by questions and fears. Every action taken against those thoughts and those fears makes us stronger and shows us how powerful we truly are.

Find the fear in your life and don’t run away from it. Don’t hide in the closet or behind the computer or locked in the cage of your mind. Express the fear, acknowledge it’s there, and embrace it. Walk right up to the strongest fear in your life and throw a left hook. Look down at the fear shaking on the ground and command authority of your life. You are in control. Not the self-created and false fears, the enemies of greatness. Show up, kick the door down, and stand your ground. You will forever be strong enough to tell fear to fuck off.