Some of What I’ll Teach My Son

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Becoming a father wasn’t always in my life plan and I felt like having children was not something I’d be able to do.. or deal with. In my early twenties I was a race car going two hundred miles, the wrong way on the track, head on towards danger. Kids and being married probably crossed my mind once or twice and I shrugged it off as “That life isn’t me” and went about being a wild man.

Then one day I met the woman who would change my life and through the power of nature, I got married.

Our first year of marriage was a crash course in how to NOT do being married. I had no idea what I was doing but through the ups and downs all marriages go through, I came out a better man. We decided it was time to have a child. Several months later we had a beautiful little girl and my life changed again and that first year, of being a dad (or parents), wasn’t pretty. But once again, I came out a better man.

As my daughter grew and I became a better father, my wife and I decided to have another child. This time, a little boy.

When my son was born I was going through a tough time again. I juggled business ownership with being a father, and a husband, and a full-time employee at a job. To say the least, I didn’t do the best I could. Things got crazy again and I failed to live up to my end of the bargain. It wasn’t until my son was four or five months old that I realized, I was f*&king up. Again.

There were a lot of painful growing experiences from the point of marriage to the point of realizing that I was not being a good man. The problem was, I felt like I had nowhere to go with my struggles and inner battles and I felt that I needed to tuck my chin down and keep moving forward. I felt pressure to perform. I felt pressure to live up to expectations and I felt like I had no idea what I was doing.

I’m not alone. There are men out there who experience the same problems. Work, wife, kids, commutes, societal expectations, down time, stress, and living up to what it’s meant to be a man. Many of those men are lost without a plan. No road map of how to navigate the pressures of life. Men get married, buy homes, and start a family when their skill in handling these responsibilities is not there. I was one of them. I believe a percentage of divorces happen because men fail to meet these responsibilities to the degree they should. Some may be so overwhelmed with their situations that they check out and become distant, caught in routine cycles of destruction. Men often emotionally and physically abandon their women trying to make ends meet, to get ahead in life, to enjoy their hobbies and free time, and often never realize they’re doing so.

What I’ll teach my son will be the building blocks of how to avoid this. How to avoid the trap of materialism and the problems of being a blindfolded go-getter. How to treat women, especially his mother and any of the future women he courts. How to make relationships thrive and if they don’t, how to grieve if needed.

My son will learn from me that it is okay to fail in life. We don’t always get it right. Failure is expected at points in life and we must remember that is safe to do so and we can’t be concerned with the opinions of others. We must stand back up and continue our journey with happiness while being grateful for the lessons life teaches us.

My son will learn that it is okay to ask other men for help and he MUST ask for help. We can’t do this alone and if you think so, you need to stop pretending. Men don’t like going to other men and expressing their emotions and feelings and hardships. But by doing so, we can understand that we learn from these experiences and have the strength, and courage, to move on.

My son will learn that when he is in a relationship the most important thing for him to do is to be present in the life of his woman. With millions of distractions around us all day in the forms of cell-phones, careers, sports, hobbies, friends, and entertainment, it’s easy for men to become distant from the woman in his life. Without a serious conscious effort to be aware, present, and understanding, he will run into problems. “Make her your queen and treat her as such.” will be the first advice I give him when things get serious with a woman. This means you give her your time and you give her your attention and never stop.

I will teach my son that his education never ends and that he should continue to learn new things each day. There are men (and women) who do not continue their education after formal schooling. Many people never read a book again. Some never read books about their careers, relationships, finances, and spirituality. Not doing so leaves you behind in the wake of life. To believe you know everything is foolish and to not educate yourself on all of the things you experience in life is a fast way to suffocate your growth. In the past year I have continued my education on many areas of life: Jiu-Jitsu, Fitness, Nutrition, Sex, Marriage, Manhood, Survival Skills, Finance, Politics, and more. It never ends.

If my son decides to one day become a father I want to teach him what it means to be a father, a dad, and not a child with a child. When I became a father the only thing I had to teach me what it meant to be a good dad was a book. I don’t want my son going into parenthood without knowledge of what makes a good man become a good father. I’ll teach him that the mother of his child will always be the most important person in his life and if that means making the child the most important person, you do it. You don’t get a second chance at being their for the mother of the child during the early years of a child’s life. Don’t make it harder than it should be. It’s teamwork. Never forget that. It’s also okay to fail at trying to be a good father, as long as you dust off your pants and try again. Nobody gets it right the first time. Not even Mom.

There is more to come on what I believe is important to teach my son, even my daughter, and I believe these things can help anyone in any stage of life. The journey is better when not alone and there is much to learn that we are unaware of. My son will learn many of the struggles I’ve been through and I can only hope the lessons help him become a better man than I will ever be.

Want to learn about being a better man, a better father, a better husband and lover? Check out the Free Online Group at The Activated Alliance to learn more and to join the conversation starting now!

“Daddy, You’re A Good Man”

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Sometimes kids say the darnedest things. If you know who Art Linkletter is, you know this. I once read a book my Grandparents had that he wrote. It was a collection of quotes taken from his famous television show. I always wonder what are some of the darnedest things I said. The other day my daughter looked at me and said “Daddy, you’re a good man.”. I thought, “What? How the? Where did she get that from?”

It turns out I buckled her in the car seat right. Once I messed up and she let me know it. The whole drive, “Daddy, you did this wrong! Daddy, this isn’t right.” When we got to where we were going I looked at her seat and noticed I didn’t pull up a flap that protected her from the clips, pinch protector I guess. She said “See Daddy, you messed up. You’re a bad man.”

Well, some days I can be a bad man, or a mean Daddy, but I couldn’t stop laughing. Here’s my three year old girl telling me I did something wrong and that I was a bad man for doing it. I told her that I wasn’t a bad man and I just made a mistake. “You made a mistake!” she said. “Yes dear, I did. They happen. We’ll just fix it and never let it happen again.”

Since that day every time I buckle her in the car seat she says “Yay Daddy you did it right.” If it’s a good day and she’s excited, she might tell me I’m a good man again. But, the thing is, she’s now correcting me on a lot of different things as well. If I forgot to buckle my son in the high chair, she lets me know it. If her shoes are going on the wrong feet, and yes this happens because I feel like the walking dead, she tells me “you’re doing it wrong.”

So now I need to be on top of my game every minute or she basically smacks my fingers with the ruler. Little Diva thinks she’s the boss.

When my wife was pregnant with her I was recommended a book titled Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters. I ordered it, because when someone says “Dude… you NEED to read this book!” I can’t not buy it. Like an addiction I go to Amazon and get it Prime, next day. Please, don’t recommend any new books or my wife might kick my balls.

Anyway, in the book Dr. Meg Meeker, the author, writes about how a man, a father, is a daughter’s first love and the most important person in her life, for like… ever. She writes about how a daughter has an eye for nearly everything her father does and it’s important for men to be the type of man he’d want his little girl to one day marry.

There I am.. doing something wrong and my peanut tells me, notices me, sees what I am doing and understands it. Now, everything I do or say is going to be taken in, judged and filtered. She’s now at the stage where I must be like the man I want her to one day grow up to love. My actions must be true, direct, purposeful, and intelligent. The example I set must be a good one. The image I portray, a powerful one. My little girl is watching my every move and growing with my every action and reaction. For her to have a good man one day, I must be the alpha example and the bar is set high. I have my work cut out for me, and even though at times I don’t feel ready, I will be and I won’t let her down.

One day it’ll be me saying to her “Honey, he’s a good man.” and if she smiles and embraces me with a hug and runs off floating in happiness, I’ll know my job was done.. and done right.

6 Ways Staying Home With My Kids Made Me a Better Man

When my daughter was born I decided to take one day of the week to stay home with her for Daddy Daughter Day and make it a traditionally fun day. It was awesome. I had so much fun with her and through the process I began to improve my life in many ways. Then my son was born. Daddy Daughter Day soon became Daddy Day with both of my kids. The other days our kids went to daycare or were watched by family members. Slowly there became more and more days where it was not feasible for family to help in taking care of our kids while my wife and I worked. At the time of all this I was growing a business and working a full-time job. My mindset wasn’t in the job but I needed to be there because I had two kids in daycare. One day my wife told me that the woman who ran the daycare our kids were in was closing up shop. That left us with a decision. Do I stay at work and put them in a new daycare or stay home with them and leave my job? I decided to stay home with them.. four days a week.

At first it was a brutal slopfest. They kicked my ass up and down and all around my house and left me screaming for help. I had no idea how tough things were going to get. But something happened that changed my life. I noticed I was becoming different. The biggest and most noticeable change? I became happier. I was growing as a person and as a man.

It’s tough to talk about staying home with your kids to other people. People are conditioned to believe our roles are defined as they were for many years. A man goes to work and gets his hands dirty and a woman nurtures the children. For awhile, it felt as though I was judged and my character was judged, but over time, that has become a nonissue. Each day my children get to see a man, their father, in action at work. They come with me to every class I hold when I’m with them. They love it. They see me interact with other people, they see me lead other people, and they see the difficulty I manage each day.

In over one year of time being home with my kids, I’ve become a better man. Here are six ways that staying home with my kids made me a better man:

1. I Learned To Be Patient

This was one of the hardest lessons of my life. Becoming a patient man was a tough battle. I had always been inpatient. Whether it was in line a grocery store, stuck in traffic, fishing, or in conversation with someone on the phone. My patience was not a virtue. Then something crazy happened. My kids tested my patience to the max. Some of the crazy things they have done made me boil and start to get anxious because the test of patience was so unbearable, and then I snapped out of it.

They still test my patience but in life, like at the job, with other people, and through other matters, I’ve learned to relax a little more of the resistance and become patient. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has always taught me this well, but the kids are next level patience monk teachers. I’m more patient on the road, with other people, dealing with customer service calls, and standing in line now. I’m more patient when things don’t go as planned.

2. I Learned To Appreciate The Amazing Woman My Wife Is

There are many men out there who really have no idea what it’s like to be a woman. My mentor Paul once said to a bunch of the guys, a woman is more than just one person. She is a daughter. She may be a sister. She’s a wife. She’s a friend. She’s an employee. She’s a mother. That is a lot of stuff put on their shoulders and that can and does create stress. Those shoes are hard to fill. Just knowing that made me appreciate my wife more than I ever have.

Staying home with the kids took that appreciation to the next level. Wearing all of those shoes and being a mother of two young kids is crazy. The amount of energy needed to perform at work is one thing, but finding the energy to workout, cook, clean, raise children, bathe children, and be a wife is superhero level shit. She’s definitely my Wonder Woman.

3. I Stopped Giving a Fuck

It’s hard to explain what I mean about stopped giving a fuck but I’ll try. Before I started to spend the majority of my days at home with my rugrats I had a job, a business, a passion for writing and fitness, and entwined in all of it was caring too much about shit that did not matter. I was worried about what the latest fitness trends were, what the latest thoughts about writing and publication were, and I was worried about a business failing overnight. Would be pretty tough for a business to fail overnight but it kept me on edge all day. There were times when I was worried about the competition in town, in the next town, in the next state, on the next facebook post. I kept trying to be better than everyone else and I gave too many fucks.

After about the first three months of trying to raise my children and build my business, I realized that I can’t do everything and can’t control what happens. I stopped giving a fuck about pointless matters beyond my control. I became more laser focused on the few things I can do and made it priority to get better at those few things. Once I took everything else out of the picture, the stress flew out the door.

4. I Became Engaged With Life

When you look around at different aspects of life, you can see the drone and zombie like nature many people operate from. The routine of daily life has a way of stealing your soul, blunting your happiness, weighing down your dreams, and suppressing your feelings.. if you let it. I sure as hell let it. There was a long time during my young marriage that I was absent, both in mind and presence. I was also a dickhead to people around me. There was a huge level of anger that held me back and crushed my life.

As things started to get under control, meaning my kids didn’t push me over the edge, I started to become more engaged with life. I opened up my feelings to my wife more. I started flirting with her more. I worked smarter. I wrote clearer. I stopped trying to be someone I’m not. When I was angry and depressed it was hard for me to be excited about things but slowly that changed and now I’m more excited about the little things we tend to overlook. I’m more excited to see my kids misbehave, be crazy, have fun, and enjoy their little lives and I’m more excited to simply sit there and admire the beautiful smile on my gorgeous wife’s face. It started when I decided I was in control of my life.

5. I’m More Grateful

As I started to spend more time at home with my kids, I began keeping a gratitude journal. Every morning I would write three things down that I was grateful for and over time, my moods changed, my passion grew, my appreciation skyrocketed, and my presence became more alive. Last summer when my son gave us a scare with a febrile seizure, a night that changed my life, I stopped holding onto things beyond my control, things from my past, and let it all go so that I can accept and love what was in front of me at this moment.

Staying home with kids helped me be more grateful for the efforts that my wife puts in daily. It helped me be more grateful of my parents and knowing that they’re still here after putting up with all of my shit growing up. I’m grateful that my children get to see their father work and help others change their lives. I’m grateful that instead of being stuck in traffic, I’m home watching them be silly. I’m grateful that my wife helped give me these moments.

6. I’m More Aware of Everything

As part of the being caught in a routine zombie like trance I was not aware of much of what went on around me. I wasn’t aware of the office environment I worked in, the members of my gym and the feelings they had about the training, and definitely not fully aware of what was happening in my home. What I mean is, there was much that I was missing. Beautiful smiles from my daughter and wife. Fun times with the kids, growth opportunities as a family, and  more.

As men, we tend to get caught up in trivial matters and often fail to smell the roses. Being preoccupied with work, sports, fitness, whatever it is, is devastating to life, family, and happiness. Marching through the days with thoughts on one or two things, we forget about the other stuff. We wake up, go to work, come home, rinse and repeat. In between those moments is a lot of stuff we take for granted and often do not notice, or enjoy.

Since I started staying home with the kids I have become more aware of the beautiful things in my family. My sexy wife, my fun and brilliant kids, the leading I am grateful of doing at the gym, and the beauty of life itself. When I was rushed through the days by a tight schedule and having to deal with the desires of others, I let all of this pass me by and it nearly crushed my life.

 

 

 

5 Things All Men Should Do For A Better Life

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For starters, let’s just get this out now… If you’re a pussy you need to wake the fuck up. There is much going on in the world today that you are not aware of and in order to live your best life, be happy, and in control… You need to wake up and smell the roses. Men, we need to wake up and gain control of our lives and march forward through progress with confidence and self-esteem. As a child, you may or may not have learned what it means to be a man.  I’ll admit, my life as a grown man has been very challenging and a lot of the issues I’ve gone through probably could have been avoided had I learned a few things about life. My problem was I hid from everything because I didn’t want confrontation, difficulty, and stress. That was a mistake and many of the choices I’ve made have been mistakes. You probably made a few mistakes as well and you probably had to overcome so extremely difficult situations. One problem I see around me is that men are not trying. Their being big babies, afraid of fighting for what they believe in, afraid of standing up for themselves. Men are being lazy wimps. They’re allowing their women to pussy whip them. Men are hiding from adversity and they’re not putting in the work where they need to. If you think everything is against you, like there is no hope for a successful future, like the world owes you something, like you’ll never reach the level of life you want to reach, then you’re lying to yourself and not telling the truth is the first mistake many men make. A great man taught me that all progress starts with the truth and if you don’t want progress in your life, if you don’t want a better life (not sure why you’re reading this), then stop now and go play Call of Duty.

Men need to stop the political correctness and whining. Men need to release the true primal masculine energy that is within us all. Soft dicks don’t get any action and if you’re not hard as a steel pipe than these five things are going to serve you well. Follow the advice. It’s game and life changing.

Today, we’ve gone way too far from the world we once lived in. When teepees and dirt floors were the norm. Fuck that’s a long time ago and now we have iPhones and cool ass cars made of debt. We have microwave ovens and suits that cost as much as buffalo. Some cost more. That right there is pansy ass shit. I don’t care if you think you’re the most masculine and alpha male around, if your suit costs more than a few hundred bucks.. you’re a silly dick.

There is a great need in the world today for the endangered alpha male to rise back up and stake claim in what is rightfully theirs. Of course we’ll never go back to living the primitive life but since it’s a part of our DNA, it’s important to make it a part of your life. This isn’t a once a year thing or a some of the time thing. It’s life. As in wake your ass up and do this shit often.

Five things you should do for a better life:

1. Fight/Wrestle

Within every man there is a beast that is caged and waiting while drooling through the teeth for a moment to pounce on it’s victim. More on pouncing in a bit. But, there is a deeply suppressed aggressive beast that idly sits inside of every man on Earth. This isn’t good for the everyday life of sitting in the office or listening to Prince during the horrible rush hour commute.

This suppressed aggressive energy is killing you. Literally killing you slowly. When there is an energy within the body that’s need releasing, like sexual energy, and that release is blocked or backed up, suppressed by life, it creates tension and dis-ease within the body. Every man would do themselves wise to release this aggressive energy.

One of the best ways is through fighting or wrestling or rough housing. We did it all the time as kids. Especially if you had brothers. We’d jump off the fucking pool ladder like we were Superfly Sunaka or Macho Man and drop elbows all day. We’d run on the football field (the backyard) and just wait to be tackled to the ground. Headlocks and chokeholds were abundant in the locker room or just for shits and giggles. We released this energy like animals do. Ever watch a puppy or bear cubs? They fight all the time.

Mature male animals do this too. They fight for territory and they fight for food and they fight for pussy.  Why do we have to stop this as adults? We don’t. And we shouldn’t. During hunter gatherer times we had to kill shit with our hands. We had to wrestle off intruders looking to rape our women and steal our supplies. It’s built in us.

Don’t suppress your fighting instinct and the need for aggressive release. Try doing some MMA, Jiu Jitsu, Wrestling, Kickboxing, Mauy Thai, or Boxing. Grab a punching bag and hang it in your garage. Kick the shit out of it and scream while you do it.

2. Exercise

You’re a grown ass adult. You’re a man and maybe a man of the house with a woman and children. You’re not a kid anymore and you KNOW it’s important to exercise and to move. Why do we even need to say this? Exercise should be something you get hard over. Exercise should be something that is not fucking negotiable in your daily routine.

Nothing makes your life better than a good old fashioned workout. The release of chemicals and the good shit happening inside your MIND and body is going to make your essence stronger and your alphaness shoot through the roof. How can you even think about not doing some kind of training?

You are strong. You are meant to be strong. It’s your responsibility to be strong. Would you rather be a weak bitch or a strong motherfucker when it came time to fight for your life? Would your woman rather hold arms that are tight and strong or arms that she can use to clean the spinach out of her teeth?

Computer warriors and office junkies need to understand something- being strong is sexy as fuck.

3. Become Awake and Alive

What does becoming awake and alive mean? It means that you’re in touch with your mind, your body, your sexual energy, your desire, your passion, your purpose, your spiritual self, controlling your own happiness and health.

When was the last time you read a book about your mind and how it works? What about a book about spirituality? When was the last time you asked yourself what you’re passionate about? How about happiness? Are you in control of that or do outside circumstances dictate how you feel?

I used to be miserable. Angry and unfucking happy to the point I shriveled up on a couch like death had stroked my shoulders and my life plummeted to rock bottom. I let outside circumstances tell me how to feel, what to think, what to do.. unaware and not alive.

Becoming awake and alive means you take control of everything. Your mind gets fed what it needs to be strong. Your body gets moved and trained in primal and aggression releasing ways. Your sex life is controlled not by the woman in your life but your own voice, your own energy, you take the lead and whisk her away never asking but instead giving. Your passion is used for the greater good of humankind and you live purposefully, always improving your situation and loving each minute of it. Your spiritual side is conscious and you make it a point to own your beliefs but you keep it at home. Your happiness is something you choose. Your happiness is in your hands and you realize it and let it shine forward to others around you.

4. Eat Good Food

Again, you’re an adult. Eat like it. Living life through fast food and partying hard every week is NOT going to bring you a better life. A grown ass man eats what he knows he should eat. I am a firm believer that each of us knows and understands exactly what we should be eating. This isn’t ten year old Timmy at Mommy’s dinner table time. This is grown man life and the food you put in your body matters.

It matters to your heart, your mind, your cock, your lover, your kids, and your happiness. Fueling yourself with garbage is a shortcut to a limp dick, a bad heart, a clouded mind, and a non-existent sex life. No further explanation needed. Eat like a man.

5. Sex

No shit sex will give you a better life but there’s a problem. Too many men are in it for themselves. We’ve grown up with Kelly Bundy, Spice TV, free internet porn, and Playboy magazine. You’ve jerked it way too much to be fully in touch with your sexual energy. When it comes time to make love in the bedroom, you’re thrusting for ejaculation and you’re not even aware of the energy created between two people, not even aware of the enormous power a well fucked woman will give you willingly in your life. There’s a rule.. she comes first. If she doesn’t, pack your shit up and get out.

If you want more sex, better sex, and more fulfilling sex then treat her like a sex goddess. Inside of every woman, whether she makes excuses like “I’m tired” or “Maybe tomorrow”, is a woman dripping to be fucked like the goddess she is. She’s waiting for you or maybe some other man to twist her panties and whisk her away into the world of orgasmic pleasure. Sex is not about pumping and dumping.

There used to be a disease in the medical dictionary called Hysteria. It was diagnosed to women who were sexually frustrated. A doctor, probably some alpha male, would masturbate her to release that frustration and blockage of sexual energy. Men were not cutting it. They were in it for themselves.

Remember the rule. She comes first. Learn how to make the act of sex an act of shared joy, pleasure, and connection.

This is probably one of the most aggressive posts that I ever wrote, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is men these days are being little children who are afraid of hard work and facing the tough conversations. We’re being told to control ourselves and lashed at when something we say isn’t politically correct. Men are being selfish with childish desires and they’re not embracing the true power within. Men are being pushed around and forced to act confined. We have our values misaligned and our ideas suffocated by fears. Men need to take a stand and claim ownership over their lives, their choices, their actions, and bring to their families, friends, and places of employment the true masculine energy within that’s needed for a better society. Stop hiding with your tail tucked away. It’s time to shine.

What I’ve Learned About Being A Man

I don’t want to use that term lightly. Being a man is something beyond having a penis and some facial hair. It’s beyond construction boots and lifted trucks. It’s bigger than fishing and hunting or football or martial arts. All of these things, besides the penis, women can do as well. Being a man is more about what goes on within ourselves, then in appearances or hobbies.

Recently I’ve been reading some books recommended to me about men, manhood, masculinity, and other men topics. I’ve also listened to several podcasts and audiobooks, and as I cut through the facade, because there is a huge facade, of bullshit talk and the actual walk, I’ve come to learn quite a few things that ring bells. As I go into the list below, I want to make it known that in my life, I have probably gone against almost everything you’re going to read. It wasn’t until recently that I found my grip on things, on the real world, on why things happen the way they happen and more. For a long time in my life I’ve been the little boy, afraid of the big bad wolf, and the consequences of those actions have smacked me dead in the face and given me many wake up calls. The journey is individualistic in nature and everyone is different. What you experienced as a child has a lasting impact on who you are today and for many decades now, Moms and Dads have been getting it wrong. We’re in a situation now where our little boys are being turned into pussies, scaredy cats, and Momma Boys. It’s a hard truth that men and women both need to realize, so that this generation of boys can grow into Wild Men, real men, and their true self.

Here’s what I’ve learned about being a man:

- Men make decisions

You want to go out to dinner with your wife? Don’t ask her where, or IF, she wants to go. Just make the decision and do it. Men are decisive. When there is doubt, it’s unattractive and creates tension. As leaders men need to make fast decisions based on their values, their feelings, and their wants. What a man wants is important and when he’s decisive on his wants, his confidence shines and he stands with authority.

- Men need to be initiated into manhood

In aboriginal cultures, South American cultures, and many other countries around the world, especially in tribal communities, boys are initiated into manhood. This is something the American culture has forgotten and it creates many problems as the boy grows into an adult. An uninitiated man is indecisive, not confident, worrisome, and operates from a little boy perspective.

- Men help out around the house and are active with their children

A man in the house who doesn’t change diapers, feed a child, cook for the family, do the dishes and laundry, and clean the house is a man who doesn’t have his priorities straight. Men help out around the house to let their wives relax when needed and they play with their children. They read books to their children. They run around the house like a nut with their children. They punish when needed and coddle when needed. A man puts his family first in everything he does, and within that family, he puts his wife first.

- Men need to be a part of a Men’s Group

There are a lot of men who don’t have quality male mentors in their lives. Some men feel they don’t have anyone to talk to you about important topics or men who will hold them accountable and push them to develop their skills to become the best man they can be. Men’s Groups are critical for the livelihood of men and their positive mental attitudes. There are thousands of men’s groups across the country that are helping men grow, give, perform, and continue to be happy. Men need a sacred circle of guys they trust who will not bullshit them, who will help them, guide them, and listen to them. Men also need men’s groups for outings such as camping, fishing, beer drinking, poker games, fitness events, and more. Here is an online Men’s Group you can join Free: Your Life Alpha

- Men need to channel their Warrior Spirit

There is warrior energy in every man. In today’s society we think of those in the Armed Forces as Warriors, or movie stars and Mixed Martial Art Champions, or National Football League All-Pros. But the truth is, we all have a warrior spirit and many men are uncomfortable with it. Ever since the industrial revolution the warrior energy has been suppressed in men all over the world. The warrior energy inside of every man is the energy that pushes them to fight for their lives, their successes, their families, their finances, and their health. Many people fear the warrior because they feel men will use it to be abusive and angry. Men have been afraid of channeling the warrior within because they want to be Mr. Nice Guy. But the warrior energy channeled properly will help men become confident, purposeful, aggressive in a sense of action not violence, and able to survive the obstacles that life throws our way. Channel this energy through physical action such as martial arts, exercise, hiking, boxing, and also self-improvement.

- Men have boundaries and Defend Them

Sometimes men need to be the bad guy and stand up to their beliefs and values. An example of boundaries might be at work when you are already working overtime and your boss pushes more onto your desk. You have an event to go to that your kid is in and if you stay you’ll miss it again, but this time you say no and tell the boss that your family comes first and that you must go. Worrying about getting fired is weakness. Standing up to your values is strength. Men do not let others take advantage of them. They control their lives and act accordingly to what they believe in and value. Men don’t accept boundary pushers and do not allow them in their lives or space.

- Men are leaders

A man must be a leader. Whether it’s leading at home with his family, at work in his department, or in a group of friends, a man needs to be a good leader. What makes a good leader? They’re honest, dependable, smart, decisive, ambitious, and able to control situations. Many men are afraid of being the leader in their home or career. They don’t want the awesome responsibility of making decisions and being honest with their feelings. Men that are good leaders are not lazy. They handle their business effectively and create a positive atmosphere. Being a good leader, men are not manipulated by their wives, co-workers, friends, and other family members. Men that are leaders initiate and act on their feelings without asking for permission and they do so out of love. Men can’t be good leaders if they are not leading by example either. Men must lead by backing up the talk with walking the walk.

- Men have discipline, confidence, and are dependable

Men are not babies and don’t make excuses. They have discipline. With their fitness men are disciplined to make it to the gym and get the work done. They have discipline to eat healthy foods more than they eat like shit. In their work they are disciplined to do the tasks needed to get the job done. They are disciplined in how they treat their vehicles and their home. As they use discipline to help them succeed in life, they do so with confidence. A man has confidence in his appearance, his thoughts, his work, his ability to be a leader in his home, career, and community, and they are dependable. A man doesn’t say they will be there, wherever that is, and not show up. They get there early.

- Men have a purpose driven life

Men don’t go to work and come home to sit their asses on the couch and sink into the pollution of television. Men have a purpose and they follow it with confidence. Men work hard and have a plan for that work. They know where they want to go and they work hard to get there. Thomas Carlyle once said “A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.” If you don’t have a purpose, or know it, all you need to do is ask yourself “What do I want from life?” And then go fucking get it.

- Men are life learners

Men spend more time learning new things then they do wasting their time in Facebook and through television. I heard Tony Robbins once say “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Men who have no growth game in their life are dying and wasting away. If you want to make more money, you need to learn how to do it. If you want to lose twenty pounds, you need to learn how to do it. Men who know what they want in life are learning about how to get it right now while the little boys are playing xBox, watching mindless television crap, or down at the bar drinking for the third night in a row.

- Men avoid Domestication

Domestication is a hard word for people to hear, especially little boys. They don’t believe they’re being domesticated by being told what to do and what to think and what to buy, but it happens everywhere. Not only does corporate America try to domesticate men, but women do as well. When a man gets married it’s not uncommon to hear his wife’s lady friends or mothers, aunts, and other female relatives say something like “So you’ve got him domesticated now!” Like it is something special and noteworthy. Women can begin to “domesticate” their men after marriage by playing with their emotions, their decisiveness, their ability to lead, and their hobbies. A woman can begin to “not accept” that her husband stays out on Friday playing poker with the boys, and when he does, she gets “angry and upset” and shows those emotions through tears and refusal of sex. Men don’t allow them to do this. They call out their childish behavior and stand up to them. Little boys try to “make it up” to them or beg for forgiveness. Men also don’t allow anyone to tell them what to think, buy, say, and feel.

Today I continue my learning on becoming a better man, a better husband, better at everything. I have learned much through my failures as both a business owner and a husband, as well as a father. The thing is, I see much of what I did wrong happening in the lives of other men and I see a great need to help them and others become their best self. That is why I created the free Facebook group found here: Your Life Alpha. Check it out and let me know what you’ve learned about being a man.

5 Books All Men Should Read

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One of my favorite things in life is reading. I enjoy reading almost anything and find great pleasure in continuing to learn something new. In fact, I believe we all strive to continue to learn something new every single day. There is so much out there in the world that we’ve never noticed, heard about, or considered. We are also all fucked up. Me included. One of the best things we can do about that issue is to educate ourselves about life, women, beer, fitness, culture, depression, psychology, and more, including how to be a better man.

Over the past few years I have read a great number of books about being a better man. I really believe that there is much for each of us to discover about who we are, why we act the way we do, and why we experience certain issues. Self-discovery is one of the drives that pushes me forward every day and I think that might be the same for you and other people you know.

I’ve read books about being a father, a husband, a business owner, a lover, a man, a writer, an athlete, a martial artist and much more. With every book that gets read and put down another is quickly picked up and started. Below are a list of five of the best books I think all men should read. I am going to gift them to men I know. I am going to have my son read them when he’s old enough. I want my friends and brothers and other men in my life to read them.

There is much to find out about how we operate as men and these five books are where we should all start. I also highly suggest that women read these books as well. Especially number three. You will learn a lot about your sons, your husbands, your brothers, fathers, or boyfriends.

1. Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters

This book was written by Meg Meeker, a woman, and she opened my eyes to just how important the men in a woman’s life are. Whether it’s her father or the man she loves, men are important to women, but none more important than her Father. In fact, Meeker suggests that a girl’s father is the most important person in her life. More so than Mom. Although the book does have some religious factors, the principle is what matters. So if you’re offended by God talk, suck it up chump.

Through the course of the book Meeker goes through ten “secrets” all fathers should know. If you’re not a father or are a father but don’t have a daughter, I still suggest you read this book. It will help you understand more about the women in your life. One of the ideas in the book that stuck with me the most is probably one of the greatest tools we can have to living our lives activated and being the best man we can be, the idea that Fathers should be the man they would want their daughter to marry. This is a great self-development tool and when taken seriously, can make the world of change in our lives.

(By the way, Meg Meeker also wrote a book called Strong Mothers, Strong Sons. I’ve yet to read it but it’s on the list. Ladies, get to work.)

2. The Way Of The Superior Man

There is only one book I have ever read twice. This is it. If you read one book from this list, make it this book written by David Deida. The way of the superior man is one of the best books I have ever picked up. It’s full of short chapters that are useful for just about anything in life. The book discusses thoughts about our purpose in life, being a man of purpose, sexual energy and techniques, how to be a great lover, and the difference between masculine energy and feminine energy. One thing he wrote about is how when a man lacks in masculine energy, the woman will increase her masculine energy and this creates problems. A woman with masculine energy trying to bridge the gap between the yin and yang of the relationship is a woman who can’t relax. A not relaxed woman is a not sexual woman. It is the man’s responsibility to polarize the energy and keep it that way. Ladies, I’d definitely read this book as well, buy it today for your husband or boyfriend.

This book will push you out of your comfort zone and give you several aha moments.

3. Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Probably the best-selling relationship book of all-time. Dr. John Gray writes about the difference between Men and Women and why we need to know and accept and embrace these differences. If you ever thought to yourself “I have no idea what goes through her head or why she acts the way she acts when I do this or that”, read this book.

As men, we have “caves” as Gray calls them that we retreat to. After a long day of work and being super stressed out, we retreat to our caves. We want to sit down and unwind with a beer, a book, or a game on the television. Women on the other hand want to talk about their day. When men have problems, they retreat to their cave. When women have problems, they want to talk about them. Most people don’t understand this and when they do, tensions and useless arguments can be avoided.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus helps us understand the differences between the “rubber band” energy that men have the “wave” energy that women have. It also discusses meeting emotional needs, avoiding arguments, communicating difficult feelings, scoring points with the opposite sex, and keeping the magic in the relationship alive.

Men need this book because, honestly, when was the last time you were taught how to be in a good relationship? Women as well.

4. No More Mr. Nice Guy

Nice guys finish last. We’ve heard it before, we’ve shaken it off as nonsense, we’ve been friend zoned, we’ve experienced it, the truth is Nice Guys finish last. Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy, started support groups for men and was a nice guy. He was going through all the problems Nice Guys experience in relationships and as we was recovering from being a Nice Guy, he wrote this book. Are you a nice guy who always appears to be nice and do you avoid conflicts at all costs? This book is for you.

If not, this book is for you too.

Glover writes about men being conditioned by our childhoods and society to believe that in order to have a great relationship, good things in life, and a happy life, we need to be nice, make everyone else happy, and avoid any problems at all costs. Men don’t need approval. Nice Guys try to find it. This creates self-loathing and frustration.

One main thing repeated in the book is how men have needs and wants and often they brush them off to please other people first and create a conflict free environment. This is what Glover calls “Nice Guy Syndrome”. The book goes into great detail about how men must embrace, develop, understand, and grow their masculine traits instead of being afraid of them and suppressing them.

This is the book I just read. I wish I read this when I was a teenager and I will definitely have my son read this book. This will become only the second book I have ever read over. There are issues all Nice Guys have that relate back to our childhood that are important to work through. Glover states that Nice Guys are givers, fixers, caretakers, approval seekers, repressors of feelings, and conflict avoiders. Operating out of these states can bring disaster to relationships, work, and happiness. This book has the steps to take to work through them and become the best man we’re meant to be.

Next to The Way of The Superior Man, this is the most brilliant book for all men to read in their life. Better now than later.

5. The War of Art

Steven Pressfield wrote a gem, a best-selling, no-nonsense book about crushing resistance and doing the work we should all be doing. There are many fears we have about action. Whether that is starting a workout routine, creating a new business, improving a relationship, starting a new hobby, or sitting down to read these five books. We have a resistance that makes us lazy and afraid. Afraid of what to do next, the unexpected, the unknown, and being too lazy to get up a little earlier to workout, too lazy to cook good healthy food and too lazy to romance the woman in your life.

While the book is a lot about the creative process and starting something new that we’re scared to start, there are many principles in the book that we can use and put into work in our lives that will help us become better men and people. We have the talent, the ability, and the desire to do what we choose to do and want to do, but we allow things to stand in our way of ACTION.

Pressfield writes about overcoming that resistance from a writer and writing perspective, but you’re smart enough to understand the principle.

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.” ― Albert Einstein

Now you have a list of five books I believe all men should read in their life. It’s close to being a should read, but that choice is yours. Only you can decide what to do with your life but in my opinion, these books will make you a better man, a better lover, a better husband or boyfriend, a better worker, and a happier person who lives their life activated.

 

The Life-Changing Magic of Fitness

As a gym owner and a personal trainer I have seen the magic of fitness and the life changes that come with getting the body moving. With today’s way of living, it’s easy to forget about exercise and getting involved in a routine. Many people push exercise aside as something they don’t need to, a waste of time, or because of laziness. Some of the most profitable and widely sold prescription drugs are antidepressants. We’re caught in a lifestyle that is not natural. As hunter-gatherers and foragers, sitting behind a desk and not having to exert much energy during the day, we’re slowly killing ourselves with our “new” way of life.

Technology has smacked our senses silly and the routines of life are far away from how they should be. It’s pretty safe to say that we’re never going back to walking for many miles each day to find food, sharing our kill or baskets of fruit and vegetables with each other, and living a nomadic life.

But if we continue with the trends of fast food, poor food supply, water that is polluted, watching television for many hours, and moving away from movement, we’re going to be in serious trouble.

That is where fitness comes into the picture. Across the country millions of men and women are exercising in daily routines, following better nutritional programs than the average American, and changing their life through fitness.

Millions are ditching the drugs and picking up kettlebells. An intense 10 or 15 minute workout can be the equivalent of taking one of the best-selling antidepressants. Farm raised meat, or naturally killed game, and organic foods are rising in stock. More and more people are pushing away boxed foods, canned foods, mass-produced and killed meats, as we should.

There is magic behind a workout. There is even more magic behind a healthy dish for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

As a coach I have helped several people who were depressed, angry, and simply upset with how they let their life go and by how out of shape they were. Nobody likes feeling out of shape. Even the most food addicted obese person doesn’t enjoy the feeling of heavy breathing and discomfort the extra weight causes. It’s not natural and that is why we often fall into depression or have major bouts of anxiety, anger, and sadness.

Exercise has been proven to help reduce the risk of diseases that are abundant in society. Heart disease, cancer, osteoporosis, and diabetes to name a few. Exercise also releases what Joe Rogan likes to call either his “inner bitch” or “monkey energy”. As animals and primates, one of the biggest traits we have carried through the millions of years of evolution is the animal instinct to move. Remember, as hunter gatherers and foragers we spent most of the day moving, walking, jumping, climbing, and running. Remove those natural tendencies from our lives and we’re more susceptible to mental, emotional, and physical disturbances.

When we keep our primal energy stored within, it manifests as anger, depression, cancer, gout, ulcers, stomach and digestive problems, and more. The life changing magic of fitness can probably be dialed into the fact that we need movement, and the releasing of primal energy.

If you feel like you don’t need to exercise or move to have a healthy and happy life, I beg to differ. The members of my gym all notice this change almost immediately. If you want to feel better, happier, and live a healthier life, start moving somehow every day. The life changing magic of fitness will take your mind and body into a whole new world.

10 Rules All Men Should Live By

Having rules sucks. Most of us don’t want to follow them anyway, but sometimes, we need them. There is a lot of shaky stuff going on in the world today and a lot of embarrassing stuff. We see former basketball pros going bankrupt, ODing at strip clubs, guys who bitch all day on stupid posts that don’t change the world, or their lives, on facebook, and “leaders” who have no balls or guts.

We’ve come a long way from the good old days of when being a man meant something more than it is today. We often see men sucked into a life that slowly kills them. Men who are defeated and deflated by the pressures of family, careers, and hobbies. Many men willingly run away from family time for alone time or golf time or bar time instead of being there when duty calls. I’ve heard more this past year about men who don’t change shitty diapers than ever before. I’ve heard of men who neglect and distance themselves from their wives and kids. I see grown ass men with a little extra weight around the belly eating fast food garbage. Grown men who don’t know how to eat properly and grown men who don’t exercise.

Ridiculous.

There is a big problem in the world today when it comes to men. We’ve lost many of the great values that defined the American family or the American male. That’s why I put this list together. 10 Rules All Men Should Live by:

Rule #1:

Exercise.

A man who doesn’t exercise is a man who doesn’t know what he is missing. Testosterone levels are dropping. Waists are expanded. More and more young men are dying early from preventable diseases. And being strong seems almost like a circus act. Rarely do we see men who are strong and in shape. It is my opinion that a man who doesn’t exercise and try to get in or stay in shape is not doing the best he can for his family. There is no excuse to not exercise. Ten minutes a day can help. Rule number one, exercise.

Rule #2

Learn how to love.

Loving our family, our wives, our kids is something we’re not taught. Learning what women want is something we don’t learn. Learning how to be romantic, appreciative, and supportive of women in our lives is another thing we’re not taught. But just because we’re not taught how to love doesn’t mean we need to be dumb asses about it. Go to the book store and get a book about love like Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus or Sex at Dawn.

Rule #3

Eat healthy foods.

A grown man who eats shit food all the time is a child who failed to grow up. If your diet consists of McDonald’s, beer, pizza, wings, subway, and Five Guys more than three percent of the time, you need to get your shit together. Men should never fail to eat healthy foods the majority of their diet. Men should never waste their lives away eating fried foods more than they do spinach. This is ridiculous and embarrassing. Find a nutrition program that consists of healthy foods like greens, lean meats, and fruits and get to work. There is no excuse to not eating healthy.

Rule #4

Have some survival skills.

If you went into the middle of the woods and had to spend the night alone, would you survive? Would you be able to find shelter, start a fire, and keep yourself safe from predators? Sadly, most men don’t know have any survival skills. When Hurricane Sandy devastated New Jersey and left power out for days, many men went bananas looking for food and gas. Lines a few blocks long were seen all over town. Grown men fought for the last of the gas so they can light their homes a little while longer. Many of them had no survival skills. When we lost power and the roads opened, I secured the safety of my pregnant wife and made sure she was okay with what she needed. I spent seven days in my home with no heat, electricity, and six chicken legs with a grill. I managed to survive without having to go get gas. I didn’t need a generator. I believe my experience camping as a kid and into adulthood helped. But more importantly, I relaxed in a serious situation. Men must have basic survival skills and if you don’t, learn right now.

Rule #5

Respect the woman in your life.

If you search through this blog you’ll find a few posts were I openly admit I was a horrible and neglectful husband. I was consumed with other things and left my relationship in the back of my life. I disrespected my wife and our vows. Far too many men put careers and success over their family. There are men in my life who have told me family first who don’t put their family first. A woman has her needs and they’re easy for you to meet. All you need to do is be consciously aware of them. The routine of work and life catches up to us when we stop and notice that we’ve actually forgotten our wife’s birthday or we haven’t taken her out on a date in months. When our wives are talking, are we listening? Are we looking for a solution instead of being a quiet support? Your wife deserves respect in the most honorable way. Learn how to treat a lady well.

Rule #6

Have a bigger library than your TV.

I have a 65 inch television in my living room. It was a gift. I enjoy it but my books when put together take up more space than my television. Every good man, every good leader, every successful person has a bigger library than a television. Books help you learn and can help improve life and create a better future. Television is a mind trap. A waste of time. A way to escape reality and zone out on important matters. That’s not bad once in a while like any given Sunday, but daily time spent watching television is time you can be spending rolling on the floor with kids, flirting with your wife, cleaning, writing, working, and improving. Ditch the hours of television time and replace it with better used time.

Rule #7

Pull Your Load At Home.

Dishes are dirty, kids need a bath, bills need to be paid, work needs to be done on the landscaping, and the floor needs to be vacuumed. Do it. It’s hard to grasp the fact that many men I know have never changed a diaper or given the kids a bath. I don’t understand why some men don’t clean up their kitchens or living rooms and fold the clothes once in awhile. If you think it’s the woman’s job, you’re a dickhead. Pull your load at home and do your part to have a functioning home where daily life stress is reduced and the atmosphere is pleasurable. Maybe you’ll get to shoot your load more often.

Rule #8

Take Responsibility For Your Own Life.

Nobody owes you anything. Nobody is going to pay your mortgage and comb your hair. You’re a grown man and it’s your job to be responsible for your life. If you don’t exercise and eat well, you’re not being responsible. If there are problems in your life, it’s your responsibility to figure them out and ask for help where needed. Do the work to become more confident, stronger, have a higher self-esteem, and greater wealth. Don’t expect anything to be laid out for you. Just get it done until it becomes natural.

Rule #9

Have a hobby.

When was the last time you spent a few hours doing something you loved? While it’s important to work and be there for family, it’s also important for men to have time away from it doing something that relaxes the mind and body. For many men that means Golf, or movies, or fishing. If you’re not spending time away from the routine of life at least every few days, you’re not opening up to living your best life. A relaxed and rejuvenated man is a better man.

Rule #10

Be Man Enough to Tell The Truth

I greatly dislike people who can’t speak the truth. You have something to say, say it and don’t sugarcoat anything. If you fucked up and you lie to try to cover your ass, you’re being an immature asshole. So many men are babies when it comes to telling the truth. Let’s say your best friend is overweight by at least a hundred pounds and you’re scared for his health and he eats like a kid, junk food every day, pizza, chips, crap and garbage food and you sit there and hang out with him and don’t tell him the truth, you’re an asshole. No matter what they say about being happier that way or offended or scared, tell them the truth. If you’re unhappy at home, instead of looking elsewhere for love, tell the truth and don’t be scared. The truth is important to you, it matters enough for you to say it, and if they can’t respect that then you need to leave. Don’t be that guy who can’t handle the truth. Handle it like a man.

Why Can’t You Tell Your Best Friends The Truth?

Do your best friends tell you the truth? Would you expect a best friend of yours to tell you the truth of your life that you are not seeing or avoiding? How many people are drinking themselves to an early death while partying it up with their friends? They love their friends. They have great times and enjoy being able to unwind and have happy go lucky lives. But what happens when the bridge crashes down and the unhealthy lifestyle leads to an early entrance to the grave? Where was the best friend? Why did they not tell the truth? We avoid telling the truth because we love them and don’t want to see their pain come out or feel their sadness.

What about your best friend who is overweight by fifty or a hundred pounds and drinks like a fish every weekend and smokes like a chimney? They don’t exercise. They don’t eat healthy. How can you call yourself friends when you don’t give two shits about the thing that matters most? How can you sit there and help your best friends kill themselves day after day after day?

If I had a best friend who couldn’t tell me the truth about my life then I wouldn’t call them a best friend, or friend at all for that matter.

Stop escaping reality and avoiding the hard truth.

Stop talking about it behind their back when they’re not around and be real. Be honest. Be up front and get the dirt out from under the carpet.

You owe it to your friend to tell them that they’re killing their self.

A best friend is a best friend because they’ll smack the shit out of you and expose the reality.

Stop lying to yourself and your friends.

How Practicing Gratitude Can Bring You Happiness

If you’ve read any of my posts you might know that I was never a happy person. I was unappreciative, selfish, reclusive, and I lacked any positive desire in my life. One thing I never did was show my gratefulness towards others. When I was homeless and friends let me crash on their couch and eat their food, I never spoke with gratitude.

Around this time last year I was going through many emotions and mostly operated with a negative attitude. My business suffered. My relationship suffered and I suffered. This depression sent me into the ropes and I had no guard. I was on my way to getting knocked out of the race. Then one day I heard from a friend who helped changed my attitude and mindset and told me about gratitude journals. At this point, I heard about gratitude and how practicing it can help you become more in the moment and happier, but I didn’t fully believe it. I tried showing my gratitude by doing Wayne Dyer things like saying “Thank you thank you thank you” when waking up each more and it was helping, but once I started writing in my journal each day, my life changed.

In the time I’ve been keeping up with my journal, I write three things down that I am grateful for everyday. At first it was kind of boring and I felt a little weird doing it. I wondered what people would think if they opened it and read it, but I kept doing it. Then one day I felt my life and attitude change. I’m not sure exactly what happened within my mind and body, but my intentions, actions, reactions, thoughts, and feelings seemingly changed overnight. I woke up a happier person.

I once read that gratitude starts a change reaction to happiness and Oprah once said “Be thankful for what you have and you’ll have more.”. Many self improvement teachers of the old days believed that our gratefulness towards what’s in our lives is the key to happiness and in my experience, I too believe it is a doorway down the path of a happier life. It’s simple to begin to practice gratitude. Find a notebook and begin writing down three things everyday that you are grateful for. You might just open a new world of happiness.

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