Putting My Own Mask On First

 

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Driving down to the Jersey Shore is always a great time. The fact that you’re headed down to the water in itself is enough to relax the tense muscles of the neck, the shoulders, and the face. This past weekend I spent a few days around the Red Bank area with a bunch of men who help me grow, who help each other grow, both professionally and personally. Before I made the trip I was severely stressed out and filled with anxiety. The past few months have been taxing, even though I spent more time on vacation than I ever have. My mindset was drifting more and more into the negative state and my actions showed. My personal energy was faltering and I was losing control of so much.

On the way down I was listening to a podcast and Ryan Holiday, the guest of Lewis Howes, said something that struck a nerve in me and made me question why I was so closed down in my feelings and thoughts. He talked about a eulogy James Baldwin gave in which he said “Thou knowest the man, thou knowest not his wrestling.” That quote really moved me and broke down a barrier of defense I was using as a shield from the truth. The seminar I attended was just what I needed at this point in my life. Paul Reddick who runs the Sack Summit said the day I first met him, “all progress starts with the truth.” and I understood that but never applied it. I was scared. I am afraid of letting people know the wrestling I do.

As the meeting unfolded, my emotions began to shake and life was brought into a perspective. I felt my barriers and the walls I have built begin to crumble. The guys I was with I have known for many years and I never once shared what was really going on in my mind and my life. As we sat in small groups in which our task was to help each other grow as men, my shoulders tensed, my heart sunk, my nerves began to shatter. It was time I put my own mask on first, and I did.

Leading up to the split into groups I was thinking about the question I needed help with most in my business. I wanted to learn steps to help Activate Fitness grow and was ready to fire off an easy question. I was afraid of opening myself, my real self to those men who I sincerely trust and love. The time came for me to ask my question and as I looked around the table I knew these guys were here for me and would not judge me. I knew they were filled with love and ready to help me in any way I needed.

“Fuck it” I said, and broke the walls. I released a massive amount of tension that was building in my neck, my shoulders, my waist, my hips, and I let those men in on the truest feeling going on inside. Instantly I felt a wave of release and relief. They accepted my question and offered advice they would only hope to receive if faced with a similar situation.

Nothing changes if nothing changes and had I not put my own mask on first and asked for the help I deeply needed, nothing would have changed and I’d still be stuck right where I was, hiding behind the truth with no progress.

When I heard the quote of not knowing the man’s wrestling I began to think about all of the people in my life. My family, my friends, the people who trust me to help them and I understood clearly that I know nothing of what each battles and the only thing I can do is give. I can give of myself with love, caring, and understanding. I am very grateful that this trip was taken at the perfect moment and grateful that now I have cleared away the jungle hiding my trueness, for now I can fully give of myself in the way I was intended for.

We all face obstacles in life and another quote I heard is “obstacles are not in the way, but they are the way”, and when we are faced with obstacles in which we feel we can’t overcome, there is a way to climb over them or break through them and to grow from the journey and the fight of making it through.

The wrestling going on within is not a fight you need to take alone and there are people who you love and trust that are willing to listen and be there for you. Put your own mask on first and seek their guidance. The weight it will take off your shoulders will clear the path and show you the way through. Thank you Isaac, Jedd, Adam, Christian, and Pete.

Reminders For Living An Activated Life

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As the day unfolds you’ll be pulled in many directions. Maintaining a vision for the outcomes you desire will help you steer your ship in the direction towards the end result. There will be people who need you. Be there for them. But make time for yourself and be sure to always put your own mask on first. There are many responsibilities to face each day and you must do them with purpose, honesty, and integrity. Do not kid yourself and lie to yourself. You must remain honest, even when that honesty hurts and creates emotional situations. You’ll never get anywhere in life if you’re not being honest about your thoughts, actions, beliefs, and feelings. Each day you are the captain of your ship and you can either do what’s needed for an activated life or you don’t. Each choice is entirely your own and each decision has a result. Choose wisely. Accept failure as part of the journey as well. Do not be discouraged by failure. Use it as a tool to learn and to improve.

Here are your reminders for living an activated life.

- Be Disciplined in everything you do.

Whether it’s your workouts, your work, or your family. Be disciplined to get the job done.

- Meditate

Do not go too long without being alone in solitude to meditate on your day and life. Always make room and be disciplined with it.

- Work Hard each day

In your workouts, in your jiu jitsu, for your wife and your kids. Work hard in all aspects of life.

- Exercise

Do not go many days in a row without sweating and exercising. For your mind and body exercise is a drug. Use it to fuel your passion and align your thinking. Your health depends on how you treat your body. Discipline yourself to stay committed.

- Eat Healthy Foods

Sure you like chips and salsa and good craft beer. It’s okay to enjoy the fruits of your labor and unwind with snacks and beer, but discipline yourself to maintain a healthy nutritional plan for ninety percent of your days. Eat greens every day. Eat fruits every day. Enjoy fat and meat. Reduce as much added sugar as possible.

- Love your family

Above all else in your daily routine, love your family and show it. Be there for your kids. Listen well to your wife. Make time to spend with them quietly and enjoy time away from routine. Family is always first. Work, friends, hobbies come after. Family is everything.

- Be Prepared

Like your hike in the mountains, you brought a snake bite kit and saw a deadly venomous snake. You were prepared. Be prepared for anything to happen and make sure your family is as well. Prepare yourself for the day. Prepare yourself for your nutrition. Maintain discipline to always have what’s needed.

- Be Simple with your things

You don’t need fancy toys. You never enjoy them and there are more important things in your life. Be simple with your purchases and take care of them. Know how to fix things like you did your furnace. Do not spend more than you make. Discipline yourself and practice the minimalist way.

- Practice Jiu Jitsu

Always make time to practice your art of choice. You feel better after a good session. You learn and quiet your mind. You meditate and release monkey energy. Jiu Jitsu changed your life. Honor that.

- Write Daily

Writing is a meditative tool for you. You release many thoughts in your introverted mind and get them on paper. This is good. Continue to do so and be disciplined with it. Even on vacations. Practice each day and reach your goal of five hundred words a day.

- Keep Working To Improve Your Sleep

You’ll only be as healthy and activated as possible if you sleep well. For years you have sacrificed sleep to help others. It’s time to put your mask on first and do what’s best for your mind, heart, and body. You’re a better person when you sleep enough. You never operate at your best when you lack sleep. Keep practicing and working hard to make more time.

- Read daily

Reading is a meditative tool but it’s also important for your growth as a person. Living an activated life requires a commitment to learning. The best place for you to learn right now is through the books on your shelf. Make time every day to relentlessly read.

- Share Your Wisdom

What good is learning and understanding something if you don’t share it? You are here to help others. Share the things you learn through your reading, writing, experience, and meditations.

- Guide Your Kids

You know what’s it like to hit rock bottom and you know what it’s like to pick yourself up. You learned from mistakes you’ve made and right decisions you’ve made. Guide your kids with your wisdom of experience but do not push.

- Enjoy Your Life

Have fun with friends and family. Throw parties. Go to parties. Make time for the outdoors or sporting events. Have a picnic with your family. Throw a surprise party for a friend or loved one. Have fun every day and laugh. Go to a comedy show or rock concert. Enjoy life.

- Live the lifestyle of a Warrior

And continue to study the art of warriors.

- Show Your Gratitude

Journal your appreciation for the good and simple things in life, as well as the trials and tribulations. Make time to write each day what you are grateful for.

- Set Goals and Dream

Be disciplined in each day to reach the goals you envision. Dream on and dream always as dreams are what creates reality when you apply action. Never say it’s impossible, you never know what can happen with effort.

 

You Don’t Get There By Saying “Must Be Nice”

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I’m not a fan of fancy gadgets. I’m not a fan of flashy cars and high dollar clothing. I’m not a sneaker fan, a go out all the time fan, or a big house fan. Many people hustle hard and bust their asses to pay off big homes, big cars, big clothing credit card payments, and fancy dinners every weekend. I’m not that guy and my family isn’t that kind of family. We’re simple minded, easy going, and content. While there is a culture of new is better, where someone gets a new house or new car every five years, I’m sitting here enjoying the gratitude I have for being alive.

One thing I have done is worked hard for the past five years building a business. I scarified a lot to get the job done. Some days I failed and others I won. Those five years have been brutally challenging and at some points scary as fuck. It took a lot of courage to give up some of the things I did and neglect some of the other. During the past five years I haven’t traveled much or enjoyed family vacations a whole lot. Mostly because I’ve been in the trenches helping other people lose weight and feel better.

Things this summer have changed. I’m traveling more than I ever have because I am finally in the position to be able to. As a business owner and a leader that people come to see, to learn from, to be around, and get results, it’s tough to remove yourself from the daily functions for a week or two here. It’s hard to say “This year, like many people from corporate America, I’m getting four or five weeks vacation.” It doesn’t work that way when you have to open and close the doors. And for the past five years it’s been that way. Now, I have help and I’m burned out.

So what do you do when you’re burned out? You stop, relax, reflect, recharge, and refocus. And, you spend time with the family, which always comes first. This summer I’ve been fortunate enough to take time to go camping twice. Once with my family and once with my brother and father. Next I get to go spend time in the Mountains by the lake with my family before we head to the beach for a few days. It’s not a lot, but it’s needed.

Several years ago when I had my sleeves rolled up, my work boots laced, and my mind laser focused on being able to survive and help my family thrive, I didn’t do this and I used to look at people who vacationed for two weeks at a time and say “Must be nice”. Well now I know that you don’t get there by saying “must be nice”. You get there by committing to the goal, kicking the door down every day and doing the work. You make sacrifices where you need to and then you apply the effort needed to succeed. You don’t waste energy being upset that someone else is going on a vacation, in which you actually know nothing about, and you use that energy on doing the work.

Get Your Health in Order

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Stop being lazy and get your health in order. No more running around like a teenager on a Friday night eating ice cream and crap. It’s time you stand up and get your shit together. Throw away the cookies, the candy, the chips, and all the pastas. Stop eating added sugar and fix your health through the foods you should be eating.

Get off your ass and start to move, every day. No more excuses about exercise. It’s time you get up and put the effort in to fix your health. Walk every day, do a fitness class a few times a week, go to the gym and lift. Do something. You never know how needed exercise is until you’re in the hospital staring at the ceiling with your clothes ripped open.

You have loved ones that need you around. You have loved ones who wouldn’t know what to do if your health took a devastating blow. You are the captain of your life and nobody can make you do anything, but wouldn’t you feel better about yourself and life if you exercised and ate well?

Damn right you would. When you exercise, your body releases feel good hormones and operates better. When you eat well, you burn fat, build muscle, and your body feels better.

It’s time to stop acting like a lazy lump and take control of your health and ditch the excuses. There is nobody that is too busy or too out of shape for exercise and good nutrition. Start with a walk and a salad. Do it again tomorrow and then do it the next day. Find a professional to help you if needed. Go buy food at a farm instead of the Quickie Mart. Stop eating sugary snacks and say you have cravings.

When you don’t control your cravings, it’s weakness that doesn’t need to be there and shouldn’t be either. You can grab a healthy snack instead of cookies, but you choose not to. Stop making childish choices and act your age. I don’t want to come off as harsh but instead, honest and straight forward. What I am writing here you already know and there are days when you think about that. You know a healthy food from a shitty food. You know walking is good for your body and mind. You know exercise gets easier when you practice.

Why don’t you do these things?

I’ve seen people who were walking heart attack risks turn their lives around and completely change their life. It wasn’t easy, but they did it and they didn’t give up. They asked for help. They asked questions. They made sacrifices. They saw results.

You can do this too. You have the power, the energy, and the willpower to do it. Stop defeating yourself before you get started and tackle this journey. There are people close to you who can help you. There are people close to you who want to help you. ASK. Get your health in order, right now.. before it’s too late!

Showing My Kids The Warrior Side

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In the gym it was Eight in the morning. I got my kids in, grabbed my coffee and water and proceeded to the squat rack. A few leg swings, deep squats, hip mobility movements, bird dogs, and squat jumps and I was ready to go. Training time. Some days it’s comes good, some days it’s a fight. Most days a little built up energy and anger helps me get through the movements. Most of the time I’m training the kids are wild. They run around the gym, play with the jump ropes, grab the five pound weights and do heavy carries, mimic the burpees I do, or play with the cars I have. Sometimes my daughter puts on the boxing gloves and goes to town on the heavy bag.

Recently I started pushing a little harder during the workouts. It’s eight o’clock and I have class at nine. I need to get done before people start showing up. It’s fascinating to see how little one must truly rest. I used to see guys resting three, four, or five minutes after doing a sub maximal load movement like it was a heavy deadlift and they needed to fully recharge. My rest periods are thirty seconds. Some times less. First I do the main movement whether it’s squats or deadlifts and then I go into the accessory work. I super set everything. It helps me get done, keeps the heart pumping, and by the time I finish the last set I have enough time to wipe the sweat from my face and start class.

If I didn’t train before my nine o’clock class I would find every excuse in the book to skip it. I’ve learned to get moving when the mind doesn’t want to. The days I train I am up at four in the morning. I usually don’t roll out of bed for twenty minutes and hate getting started. The lack of sleep has caught up with me and anyone who says sleep is for pussies is an asshole. Sleep is crucial and when you don’t get enough, you miss it. I get to the gym to open up for my five o’clock class and by the time I’m done with the early morning sessions, I’m shot. I want my bed, I want to close my eyes, I want more sleep. I get home and grab a smoothie and coffee and the kids and head right back for my time.

Lifting weights is more than physical appearance or strength. It’s like a drug. The body creates “feel good” hormones and the negative thoughts fade away. There’s nothing like testing your body through physical movement and resistance. Heavy squats bring more than physical strength. They bring mental toughness and feelings of accomplishment. Heavy carries, sled drags, pull-ups, and dips build muscle, strength, and they conquer the inner bitch in the mind that tries to settle for comfort. When the training starts to feel easy, you know you’re drifting into the comfort zone and convenience. It’s time to change a thing or two.

Training with the kids in the gym is fun but at times ridiculous. When your less than two year old walks under the bar of your heavy squats when in the deep position you kind of freak out a little. What if he grabs my leg? What if the plates slide off since I don’t clip them when training alone? But when he gets close it’s a surge of Adrenaline. I love having my kids in the gym with me. They watch me test myself three times or more a week. They see me put my body through the stress of resistance training. They hear me grunt, curse, sweat, and scream. They see me breathe heavily and give it one more shot. Then they get to watch me work, like the old days when men would bring their sons to the field, the farm, the shop, the railway, or the mines. Kids used to see their fathers bust their ass and I’m grateful mine see it almost everyday. They see me crush weakness and build strength. They see me fight the inner bitch. They see me act with courage and fight fear as I add more weight. Then they see me help other people. I couldn’t ask for anything more. At times it’s crazy but looking at the big picture, it’s beautiful.

On Living Your Life With Honesty

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Ask yourself this question: “Am I an honest person?”

If you’re like most people you answered yes. Now, ask yourself this question: “Am I honest with other people?”

You probably said yes and why wouldn’t you? Most of us are nice, caring, honest people. But there’s something that doesn’t sit right with me about saying we’re all honest people. Look around your life and see if there are some things that you notice that bother you and you fail to mention them. Why are we failing to mention those things?

For example, I know several people who are overweight. They drink hard almost every weekend. Some smoke. Some eat like children. I’m not an honest person. If I was, since I care about these people, I’d be honest with them. The truth is, I believe some of these people are going to die early preventable deaths. Why am I not speaking up for their well being and let them know I am concerned?

Sure, it’s none of my business, but the problem is- I’m afraid of being honest.

I’m not alone here either and it goes beyond what we see in other people.

In the gym I know how to get people results. I provide quality workouts for our members and give excellent, proven and tested, nutrition advice to them as well. There is absolutely no reason, besides not doing the work, that a member shouldn’t see results. What I hear from some is nothing but a legitimate lie. We’re ashamed of speaking the truth and embarrassed by failure and being vulnerable.

We have to get up and find the courage to admit the truth. When I see people talk about not knowing what to do to lose weight or why they’re not getting results, many times, they’re lying. They’re not being honest with themselves. A few questions can point that out quickly. What did you eat? What did you drink? When did you exercise?

Answering these questions truthfully and being vulnerable is the only way we’ll get results.

Living your life with honesty means that you do the work to ask yourself the hard questions, speak what’s on your mind, and never sugarcoat the situation.

Here are some quick questions to help you look within to see if you’re being honest with yourself. I’d take out a piece of paper and write the questions down and the answers. Nobody has to see this stuff. You can tear it out and burn it to the ground when you’re done, but the introspection of your life will help you with being honest and living your life honestly.

- Are you being true to the person inside?

- How much effort are you truly giving to your goals?

- Where is there room for improvement in my life and am I capable of doing it?

- Where am I lying to myself and others?

- Do the people you surround yourself with make you happy? If not, why are they still around? If so, do you tell them often?

- What self-destructive behaviors and habits do I have? How can I overcome them?

- What am I afraid of?

- Who am I angry at?

- Who made me feel sad, angry, and ashamed?

- Do I take my life seriously?

- What am I most passionate about?

- What would I do if I could do anything in the world? What’s stopping me?

- Am I willing to do the work needed to make that happened?

- Am I afraid of making decisions?

These questions are just a start. There are mountains of self-discovery questions you can ask yourself. The whole point is that to live an honest life, we must be honest with ourselves and have the discipline to stay honest and call ourselves out if needed. We must be ruthless and committed to the values we set, the words we talk, and the walk we walk. When we don’t live an honest life we release our power and the control over our own life. We let people walk over us and we allow things to happen that we’d never allow if we were honest. Remember, being honest takes fucking balls. It takes courage and it’s okay to be afraid and to cry and to feel pain. It’s a growing process and without going through it, we’ll stay right where we are.

Be The Captain of Your Crusade

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Life is a journey from one point (birth) to another (death) and the journey is a crusade through valleys, up hills, and down rivers. You must be the captain of this crusade. Life will not bring you all that you seek and desire just because you wish. Life will throw you down, choke you out, and kick dirt over you. YOU must be the captain and you must lead the way.

Every now and then I see a post on Facebook, Twitter, or YouTube that talks about being owed something, being tied down by the “forces”, being controlled by “my job”, and being “taken advantage of”. I see people complain that their hours at work are long, they’re underpaid, bored, and ready for the weekend. This is a cry for help.

The Captain is Lost!

As the Captain of your Crusade, you led yourself into the trap, the war, the battle, and the depressive situations. Nobody else. People who read your post may have empathy because they shared, or shared, similar experiences in their Crusade, but they’re not going to Captain the crusade through your journey. Only you can do that.

Often, because of lack of true life experiences and proper education on reality, we find ourselves stuck in these shitty situations. It’s nobody’s fault but your own. Rule number one: Accept 100% Responsibility for YOUR life. By pointing fingers and blaming others or circumstances, you’re trying to put that responsibility on somebody else, and it’s not theirs.

Be the Captain! Stand up, assume control, and do the work needed to bring you into the clear. It’s not going to be easy. It’s actually a lot of hard work, but you can do it. You know you can do it.

As the Captain, you make the decisions. If you’re married or involved or there are kids in the picture, you must consider that, but as you decide, it’s your job as Captain to do what is best.

If your job sucks, get a new one. Don’t make excuses or blame anybody else, just do the fucking work needed. Stop being a bitch and act. If your health is crap, you’re fat, out of shape, and winded from stairs, don’t blame your wife, your mother, your stressful job. It’s not their fault. It’s your choices. Own up to it like a champ and demand excellence out of yourself.

When you find yourself denying any problems, when clearly they are there, and you don’t own up the responsibility to fix the problem, you are not being the Captain of your Crusade. Well, technically you are and you’re leading your ship into dangerous territory where you’re going to get slaughtered, captured, and destroyed.

A Captain accepts responsibility.

A Captain welcomes adversity.

A Captain stands tall in battle and pushes forward.

A Captain acts with the best of interests and doesn’t lie about what those interests are. A deceitful captain is a coward and a liar.

A Captain fights off intruders who try to take control of their Crusade.

A shipwrecked or defeated Captain owns that result and seeks the help of others with honor and dignity and the willingness to listen and learn.

Be responsible for the journey of your life and command control. You know where you want to go. So go there. Now.

5 Things All Men Should Do For A Better Life

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For starters, let’s just get this out now… If you’re a pussy you need to wake the fuck up. There is much going on in the world today that you are not aware of and in order to live your best life, be happy, and in control… You need to wake up and smell the roses. Men, we need to wake up and gain control of our lives and march forward through progress with confidence and self-esteem. As a child, you may or may not have learned what it means to be a man.  I’ll admit, my life as a grown man has been very challenging and a lot of the issues I’ve gone through probably could have been avoided had I learned a few things about life. My problem was I hid from everything because I didn’t want confrontation, difficulty, and stress. That was a mistake and many of the choices I’ve made have been mistakes. You probably made a few mistakes as well and you probably had to overcome so extremely difficult situations. One problem I see around me is that men are not trying. Their being big babies, afraid of fighting for what they believe in, afraid of standing up for themselves. Men are being lazy wimps. They’re allowing their women to pussy whip them. Men are hiding from adversity and they’re not putting in the work where they need to. If you think everything is against you, like there is no hope for a successful future, like the world owes you something, like you’ll never reach the level of life you want to reach, then you’re lying to yourself and not telling the truth is the first mistake many men make. A great man taught me that all progress starts with the truth and if you don’t want progress in your life, if you don’t want a better life (not sure why you’re reading this), then stop now and go play Call of Duty.

Men need to stop the political correctness and whining. Men need to release the true primal masculine energy that is within us all. Soft dicks don’t get any action and if you’re not hard as a steel pipe than these five things are going to serve you well. Follow the advice. It’s game and life changing.

Today, we’ve gone way too far from the world we once lived in. When teepees and dirt floors were the norm. Fuck that’s a long time ago and now we have iPhones and cool ass cars made of debt. We have microwave ovens and suits that cost as much as buffalo. Some cost more. That right there is pansy ass shit. I don’t care if you think you’re the most masculine and alpha male around, if your suit costs more than a few hundred bucks.. you’re a silly dick.

There is a great need in the world today for the endangered alpha male to rise back up and stake claim in what is rightfully theirs. Of course we’ll never go back to living the primitive life but since it’s a part of our DNA, it’s important to make it a part of your life. This isn’t a once a year thing or a some of the time thing. It’s life. As in wake your ass up and do this shit often.

Five things you should do for a better life:

1. Fight/Wrestle

Within every man there is a beast that is caged and waiting while drooling through the teeth for a moment to pounce on it’s victim. More on pouncing in a bit. But, there is a deeply suppressed aggressive beast that idly sits inside of every man on Earth. This isn’t good for the everyday life of sitting in the office or listening to Prince during the horrible rush hour commute.

This suppressed aggressive energy is killing you. Literally killing you slowly. When there is an energy within the body that’s need releasing, like sexual energy, and that release is blocked or backed up, suppressed by life, it creates tension and dis-ease within the body. Every man would do themselves wise to release this aggressive energy.

One of the best ways is through fighting or wrestling or rough housing. We did it all the time as kids. Especially if you had brothers. We’d jump off the fucking pool ladder like we were Superfly Sunaka or Macho Man and drop elbows all day. We’d run on the football field (the backyard) and just wait to be tackled to the ground. Headlocks and chokeholds were abundant in the locker room or just for shits and giggles. We released this energy like animals do. Ever watch a puppy or bear cubs? They fight all the time.

Mature male animals do this too. They fight for territory and they fight for food and they fight for pussy.  Why do we have to stop this as adults? We don’t. And we shouldn’t. During hunter gatherer times we had to kill shit with our hands. We had to wrestle off intruders looking to rape our women and steal our supplies. It’s built in us.

Don’t suppress your fighting instinct and the need for aggressive release. Try doing some MMA, Jiu Jitsu, Wrestling, Kickboxing, Mauy Thai, or Boxing. Grab a punching bag and hang it in your garage. Kick the shit out of it and scream while you do it.

2. Exercise

You’re a grown ass adult. You’re a man and maybe a man of the house with a woman and children. You’re not a kid anymore and you KNOW it’s important to exercise and to move. Why do we even need to say this? Exercise should be something you get hard over. Exercise should be something that is not fucking negotiable in your daily routine.

Nothing makes your life better than a good old fashioned workout. The release of chemicals and the good shit happening inside your MIND and body is going to make your essence stronger and your alphaness shoot through the roof. How can you even think about not doing some kind of training?

You are strong. You are meant to be strong. It’s your responsibility to be strong. Would you rather be a weak bitch or a strong motherfucker when it came time to fight for your life? Would your woman rather hold arms that are tight and strong or arms that she can use to clean the spinach out of her teeth?

Computer warriors and office junkies need to understand something- being strong is sexy as fuck.

3. Become Awake and Alive

What does becoming awake and alive mean? It means that you’re in touch with your mind, your body, your sexual energy, your desire, your passion, your purpose, your spiritual self, controlling your own happiness and health.

When was the last time you read a book about your mind and how it works? What about a book about spirituality? When was the last time you asked yourself what you’re passionate about? How about happiness? Are you in control of that or do outside circumstances dictate how you feel?

I used to be miserable. Angry and unfucking happy to the point I shriveled up on a couch like death had stroked my shoulders and my life plummeted to rock bottom. I let outside circumstances tell me how to feel, what to think, what to do.. unaware and not alive.

Becoming awake and alive means you take control of everything. Your mind gets fed what it needs to be strong. Your body gets moved and trained in primal and aggression releasing ways. Your sex life is controlled not by the woman in your life but your own voice, your own energy, you take the lead and whisk her away never asking but instead giving. Your passion is used for the greater good of humankind and you live purposefully, always improving your situation and loving each minute of it. Your spiritual side is conscious and you make it a point to own your beliefs but you keep it at home. Your happiness is something you choose. Your happiness is in your hands and you realize it and let it shine forward to others around you.

4. Eat Good Food

Again, you’re an adult. Eat like it. Living life through fast food and partying hard every week is NOT going to bring you a better life. A grown ass man eats what he knows he should eat. I am a firm believer that each of us knows and understands exactly what we should be eating. This isn’t ten year old Timmy at Mommy’s dinner table time. This is grown man life and the food you put in your body matters.

It matters to your heart, your mind, your cock, your lover, your kids, and your happiness. Fueling yourself with garbage is a shortcut to a limp dick, a bad heart, a clouded mind, and a non-existent sex life. No further explanation needed. Eat like a man.

5. Sex

No shit sex will give you a better life but there’s a problem. Too many men are in it for themselves. We’ve grown up with Kelly Bundy, Spice TV, free internet porn, and Playboy magazine. You’ve jerked it way too much to be fully in touch with your sexual energy. When it comes time to make love in the bedroom, you’re thrusting for ejaculation and you’re not even aware of the energy created between two people, not even aware of the enormous power a well fucked woman will give you willingly in your life. There’s a rule.. she comes first. If she doesn’t, pack your shit up and get out.

If you want more sex, better sex, and more fulfilling sex then treat her like a sex goddess. Inside of every woman, whether she makes excuses like “I’m tired” or “Maybe tomorrow”, is a woman dripping to be fucked like the goddess she is. She’s waiting for you or maybe some other man to twist her panties and whisk her away into the world of orgasmic pleasure. Sex is not about pumping and dumping.

There used to be a disease in the medical dictionary called Hysteria. It was diagnosed to women who were sexually frustrated. A doctor, probably some alpha male, would masturbate her to release that frustration and blockage of sexual energy. Men were not cutting it. They were in it for themselves.

Remember the rule. She comes first. Learn how to make the act of sex an act of shared joy, pleasure, and connection.

This is probably one of the most aggressive posts that I ever wrote, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is men these days are being little children who are afraid of hard work and facing the tough conversations. We’re being told to control ourselves and lashed at when something we say isn’t politically correct. Men are being selfish with childish desires and they’re not embracing the true power within. Men are being pushed around and forced to act confined. We have our values misaligned and our ideas suffocated by fears. Men need to take a stand and claim ownership over their lives, their choices, their actions, and bring to their families, friends, and places of employment the true masculine energy within that’s needed for a better society. Stop hiding with your tail tucked away. It’s time to shine.

What I’ve Learned About Being A Man

I don’t want to use that term lightly. Being a man is something beyond having a penis and some facial hair. It’s beyond construction boots and lifted trucks. It’s bigger than fishing and hunting or football or martial arts. All of these things, besides the penis, women can do as well. Being a man is more about what goes on within ourselves, then in appearances or hobbies.

Recently I’ve been reading some books recommended to me about men, manhood, masculinity, and other men topics. I’ve also listened to several podcasts and audiobooks, and as I cut through the facade, because there is a huge facade, of bullshit talk and the actual walk, I’ve come to learn quite a few things that ring bells. As I go into the list below, I want to make it known that in my life, I have probably gone against almost everything you’re going to read. It wasn’t until recently that I found my grip on things, on the real world, on why things happen the way they happen and more. For a long time in my life I’ve been the little boy, afraid of the big bad wolf, and the consequences of those actions have smacked me dead in the face and given me many wake up calls. The journey is individualistic in nature and everyone is different. What you experienced as a child has a lasting impact on who you are today and for many decades now, Moms and Dads have been getting it wrong. We’re in a situation now where our little boys are being turned into pussies, scaredy cats, and Momma Boys. It’s a hard truth that men and women both need to realize, so that this generation of boys can grow into Wild Men, real men, and their true self.

Here’s what I’ve learned about being a man:

- Men make decisions

You want to go out to dinner with your wife? Don’t ask her where, or IF, she wants to go. Just make the decision and do it. Men are decisive. When there is doubt, it’s unattractive and creates tension. As leaders men need to make fast decisions based on their values, their feelings, and their wants. What a man wants is important and when he’s decisive on his wants, his confidence shines and he stands with authority.

- Men need to be initiated into manhood

In aboriginal cultures, South American cultures, and many other countries around the world, especially in tribal communities, boys are initiated into manhood. This is something the American culture has forgotten and it creates many problems as the boy grows into an adult. An uninitiated man is indecisive, not confident, worrisome, and operates from a little boy perspective.

- Men help out around the house and are active with their children

A man in the house who doesn’t change diapers, feed a child, cook for the family, do the dishes and laundry, and clean the house is a man who doesn’t have his priorities straight. Men help out around the house to let their wives relax when needed and they play with their children. They read books to their children. They run around the house like a nut with their children. They punish when needed and coddle when needed. A man puts his family first in everything he does, and within that family, he puts his wife first.

- Men need to be a part of a Men’s Group

There are a lot of men who don’t have quality male mentors in their lives. Some men feel they don’t have anyone to talk to you about important topics or men who will hold them accountable and push them to develop their skills to become the best man they can be. Men’s Groups are critical for the livelihood of men and their positive mental attitudes. There are thousands of men’s groups across the country that are helping men grow, give, perform, and continue to be happy. Men need a sacred circle of guys they trust who will not bullshit them, who will help them, guide them, and listen to them. Men also need men’s groups for outings such as camping, fishing, beer drinking, poker games, fitness events, and more. Here is an online Men’s Group you can join Free: Your Life Alpha

- Men need to channel their Warrior Spirit

There is warrior energy in every man. In today’s society we think of those in the Armed Forces as Warriors, or movie stars and Mixed Martial Art Champions, or National Football League All-Pros. But the truth is, we all have a warrior spirit and many men are uncomfortable with it. Ever since the industrial revolution the warrior energy has been suppressed in men all over the world. The warrior energy inside of every man is the energy that pushes them to fight for their lives, their successes, their families, their finances, and their health. Many people fear the warrior because they feel men will use it to be abusive and angry. Men have been afraid of channeling the warrior within because they want to be Mr. Nice Guy. But the warrior energy channeled properly will help men become confident, purposeful, aggressive in a sense of action not violence, and able to survive the obstacles that life throws our way. Channel this energy through physical action such as martial arts, exercise, hiking, boxing, and also self-improvement.

- Men have boundaries and Defend Them

Sometimes men need to be the bad guy and stand up to their beliefs and values. An example of boundaries might be at work when you are already working overtime and your boss pushes more onto your desk. You have an event to go to that your kid is in and if you stay you’ll miss it again, but this time you say no and tell the boss that your family comes first and that you must go. Worrying about getting fired is weakness. Standing up to your values is strength. Men do not let others take advantage of them. They control their lives and act accordingly to what they believe in and value. Men don’t accept boundary pushers and do not allow them in their lives or space.

- Men are leaders

A man must be a leader. Whether it’s leading at home with his family, at work in his department, or in a group of friends, a man needs to be a good leader. What makes a good leader? They’re honest, dependable, smart, decisive, ambitious, and able to control situations. Many men are afraid of being the leader in their home or career. They don’t want the awesome responsibility of making decisions and being honest with their feelings. Men that are good leaders are not lazy. They handle their business effectively and create a positive atmosphere. Being a good leader, men are not manipulated by their wives, co-workers, friends, and other family members. Men that are leaders initiate and act on their feelings without asking for permission and they do so out of love. Men can’t be good leaders if they are not leading by example either. Men must lead by backing up the talk with walking the walk.

- Men have discipline, confidence, and are dependable

Men are not babies and don’t make excuses. They have discipline. With their fitness men are disciplined to make it to the gym and get the work done. They have discipline to eat healthy foods more than they eat like shit. In their work they are disciplined to do the tasks needed to get the job done. They are disciplined in how they treat their vehicles and their home. As they use discipline to help them succeed in life, they do so with confidence. A man has confidence in his appearance, his thoughts, his work, his ability to be a leader in his home, career, and community, and they are dependable. A man doesn’t say they will be there, wherever that is, and not show up. They get there early.

- Men have a purpose driven life

Men don’t go to work and come home to sit their asses on the couch and sink into the pollution of television. Men have a purpose and they follow it with confidence. Men work hard and have a plan for that work. They know where they want to go and they work hard to get there. Thomas Carlyle once said “A man without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder.” If you don’t have a purpose, or know it, all you need to do is ask yourself “What do I want from life?” And then go fucking get it.

- Men are life learners

Men spend more time learning new things then they do wasting their time in Facebook and through television. I heard Tony Robbins once say “If you’re not growing, you’re dying.” Men who have no growth game in their life are dying and wasting away. If you want to make more money, you need to learn how to do it. If you want to lose twenty pounds, you need to learn how to do it. Men who know what they want in life are learning about how to get it right now while the little boys are playing xBox, watching mindless television crap, or down at the bar drinking for the third night in a row.

- Men avoid Domestication

Domestication is a hard word for people to hear, especially little boys. They don’t believe they’re being domesticated by being told what to do and what to think and what to buy, but it happens everywhere. Not only does corporate America try to domesticate men, but women do as well. When a man gets married it’s not uncommon to hear his wife’s lady friends or mothers, aunts, and other female relatives say something like “So you’ve got him domesticated now!” Like it is something special and noteworthy. Women can begin to “domesticate” their men after marriage by playing with their emotions, their decisiveness, their ability to lead, and their hobbies. A woman can begin to “not accept” that her husband stays out on Friday playing poker with the boys, and when he does, she gets “angry and upset” and shows those emotions through tears and refusal of sex. Men don’t allow them to do this. They call out their childish behavior and stand up to them. Little boys try to “make it up” to them or beg for forgiveness. Men also don’t allow anyone to tell them what to think, buy, say, and feel.

Today I continue my learning on becoming a better man, a better husband, better at everything. I have learned much through my failures as both a business owner and a husband, as well as a father. The thing is, I see much of what I did wrong happening in the lives of other men and I see a great need to help them and others become their best self. That is why I created the free Facebook group found here: Your Life Alpha. Check it out and let me know what you’ve learned about being a man.

Being Ruthless In Your Actions

Many people I know, read about, or have met struggle with the inner voice that is often referred to as resistance, the lazy chump, the inner bitch, the negative Nancy, and there are many days I too struggle with the resistance within. Millions of people have failed to reach their goals or live a good life because they allow this inner bitch, the inner chump, to control their thinking and actions. When we have a worthy goal to accomplish it’s easy to resist the efforts needed to achieve the goal. It’s easy to find excuses as to why we can’t do something we’ve never done before. The fear wins and the heart loses.

In the battles we go through every day, like do we take the trash out now or later or do we get the oil change today or wait another three weeks, are all tests of our virtues, our purpose, our drive, our desire, and our mindset. I heard Aubrey Marcus talk about fear of spiders once on a podcast. He said that when we let that fear get so strong that we can’t even look at it or we freak out, what we’re doing is actually losing the battle to many other choices, decisions, and actions ahead in our days. When the Spartans used to train they had to run Marathons with a mouth full of water. Once they ran the twenty-six plus miles, they had to spit it out. By doing this, they tested their fortitude, their accountability, their fear, and their purpose. They defeated the inner bitch who screamed for water.

Taking it to that extreme is probably no longer needed but the principle behind it still very much so.

When you start out on a new goal, say losing 10 pounds, and you create the plan to follow, sticking to it is a must. One failed action step is enough to completely devalue everything involved with the goal. If part of your plan is to wake up at four in the morning three days a week and exercise and one day you say “I know I have to exercise now, but sleep wins today”, what you’re saying is you’re not worth it, the goal isn’t worth it, the resistance wins.

As hard as it seems to grasp these thoughts and process the truth, it’s very much true that what we do or don’t do makes up everything we are. Finding an excuse to not exercise one morning can lead you to finding an excuse to call out of work on an important day at your job. Finding a reason to cheat on your diet and going through it is enough to completely set you up for failure. Taking shortcuts in your work or projects is enough to allow you to accept deceit.

When you don’t “stick to your guns” you’re allowing the resistance to win and proving to yourself that your values are weak. This will only hurt you in the long run. The need to be ruthless with your actions is critical. When we decide that we will do as we say and follow through with ruthless action, we respect our lives, our path and the values we try to live by. Being ruthless with your actions will help you achieve your goals quickly as you live your life activated.