My Up Close and Personal Conversation With My Inner Self

I wrote this post back in January and for whatever reason I never posted it, or finished it, but here’s the up close and personal conversation I had with my inner self after a float in the isolation tank. 

“There’s something you’re not seeing Mike.” Said my Inner Self as I was looking out into the forest behind my house through a small crack in the blinds that were fully extended and shut. Why was I standing there holding the blinds open with my thumb and index finger instead of just simply opening them?

For most of my life I’ve been a daydreamer. My mind would wander through space and entire conversations unheard because of the distraction of something more meaningful, but what? Now, after a couple months of forced relaxation and self education I can see my inner self was trying to talk to me for over 20 years.

Some people call the inner self their soul or “listening to their heart” and to me, it is the soul or “spirit” and it is a separate entity entirely from our humanoid body just hitching a ride through evolution. We have two self’s, the Ego self and the True (inner) self and for most of our waking lives, they are in constant battle of our attention and control.

My inner self has not been strong enough to fight the ego, it’s a battle I still fight today.

What I was not seeing, as the inner spirit told me through feelings and deep emotions, was there is more to life beyond the status quo and conformity we find ourselves in and much of the anger I hold on to and tension is the result of “doing” more than “being”. Listening to the “way it’s supposed to be” has done nothing for my happiness and evolution of self. When “they” said “Do this or Do That.” they were talking from the ego’s point of view, which in a way may not be a bad thing as it protects us and keeps us alive,  but they didn’t take the inner true self into consideration.

We’re exhausted from overwork and stressed from over-consumption and we lack a true deep happiness and satisfaction for our lives. We have the case of “never enough” and “must have MORE” instead of a state of mind that is content with what we have and that is not talking about material possessions. We have a power inside of us that is infinite and limitless but we refuse to accept it or lose against the ego in the battle for control.

My up close and personal conversation with my inner self went something like this:

“There’s something you’re not seeing Mike.” said a feeling that originated deep within the heart. Most people fail to recognize the heart chakra is the entrance through of etheric field which brings us emotions and feelings. That is why we really feel things below our chest and above the belly button.

“What am I not seeing? I know there’s something more, but what?” I said, but I got no response. Just a clutter of thoughts and an annoying itch behind my leg.

Two weeks would go by until my second experience in the flotation tank came around and it was here and then that the inner self would shed light to the reasons behind why I was not content with life, what to do about it, and how to accept the moment.

As I showered, before I sat in the tank, to rid the body of oils and any dirt or dust I may have been carrying around, the feelings of contentment and control became sort of overwhelming and my body began to shake like I was about to go to a new school at the age of 10 in front of people I never met.

Once the tank door closed behind me and I let the body go in a free float the need for a mighty gasp of air took control of my body and everything that was happening in the world around me left my body in an instant.

“What am I going to do with my life? Why am I not happy with all I have?” I asked as a slight sweat appeared from the brow.

At this time in my life I have much of everything I ever could have imagined. Activate Fitness is doing well, I’m married with a beautiful daughter, my son will be here soon, and our life is truly comfortable, but I wasn’t. Why?

As I laid in the tank and drifted into a deep trance, which I mistook for deep sleep at first, all I could feel were thoughts of letting everything go, but letting what go? If you could imagine yourself flying through the inner workings of a fiber optic system or inside the veins of the body as blood cells you can picture what was happening as I floated in the tank and searched for answers. One thought and picture after the other at speeds so fast it would take nearly 3 weeks to figure out what they meant.

Letting go of everything finally came to light when I realized it meant letting go of what I desired through my ego. A nice salary, vacation homes, swimming pools, business programs and much more that really had nothing to do with who I really am. Part of who I am and what I want to bring to the help others was being suppressed and held back against an intense amount of pressure to let free and now I’m releasing it. Helping people through fitness is a blessing I hold true and dearly close to my heart, the passion for it is there and burning bright, but there is more of that help, a different level beyond burpees and push ups, and it was being forced shut by fear, resistance and the ego and my anger was getting the most of my life causing much unneeded pain.

 

 

 

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