Everything I owned was towed away and never seen again. The car I owned which housed all of my possessions was removed from the street it was parked on. No phone call, no warning, but inside, I knew it was coming. Inside the car was everything that really meant nothing, but it was my all. Towed away and never touched again.
Today, I wonder what happened to the things in the car. I only had one key, actually I still have it. So what did they do? Did they smash the window or use that tool the cops use when someone foolishly locks their keys inside? What happened with my things? Did the tow truck company have big black garbage bags and throw it all away, or did they slowly go through it, looking for money, or valuables, or to laugh at the pathetic crap I owned?
There wasn’t much. Maybe a few hundred dollars worth of baseball cards, a bible, a metal softball bat, a Tupperware container of underwear and socks, and some notebooks that I wrote my thoughts in. What did those thoughts say? Was my writing any good? Was something I wrote a magnificent poem of life as a homeless man? Feelings so strong and vivid that the reader tightly squeezes the book or sits staring for a few moments after they finished?
I don’t remember what I wrote in those books. But, the thoughts are gone. Out in the universe somewhere. Hopefully they helped someone. When my car vanished, a little part of me died. When you’re broke, at rock bottom, and left without a dream, you’re kind of a broken man. Although I could walk around with my head up, pretending I was tough and could smile it off, inside it killed me. The day I knew I was a loser was the day my everything was taken away.
But there I was, still standing. Head high, faking my emotions, pretending I could do this thing called life, and here I am now. Writing about the story in my own house, soon to be prepping for the week at my own gym, hanging out with my wife, daughter, and son. Freaky. Crazy. Insanity.
Dreams do come true. You just have to work your ass off to realize it. A fantasy world is wonderful and I often still visit mine. A world where I have everything I want, do all the things I want, where happiness floods the soul, and the sun shines beams of joy into the skin of life. Dreams do come true. You just have to want it more than anything else, even if that means letting go of all the past.
The freshness of a new beginning is exciting, but the feelings of the lost past hurt worse than the excitement. It takes a lot of courage and passion to fight through it and remain positive. It can be done. I did it. Somewhat, somehow, but that silver car, once with all of my life, now, is nothing more than a moment I experienced and the power it created is amazing. Here’s a short blog post that may reach a hundred people or so. All from the experience of realizing I lost everything.
Losing everything taught me a novel of lessons. Ideas, thoughts, feelings, dreams, blueprints, and more. All created by a moment in time. A moment I never believed I could recover from, but it opened a whole new world and brought me the unexpected. Never would I have thought today I’d be writing this story, but I am and so I have to go with the flow.
The morning after I lost everything was an epic battle of do I continue this struggle or not? Why struggle for nothing? Why put up with the forces of nature that I forced on myself? My inner warrior woke up that day. The shaman warrior inside of my heart took control and created a new vision for my soul. That morning I knew what I had to do and I knew I was capable of it. Today, I’m glad I listened.