It’s been a rough year for me with writing. I’m not going to lie or make any silly excuse, except… I feel burned out. My life as Dad and a business owner has really gotten to me and it’s weighed me down for quite a long time. I often feel depressed because of my exhaustion but still push hard through it all.
Getting up at four in the morning isn’t easy. Especially after dinner is eaten close to nine at night. I’m lucky if I get five hours of sleep each night. For some people that is enough, but when beat down, it’s not. I lift heavy three or four days a week and train Jiu Jitsu as much as I can. Sleep is more important for me than it is for many others. The recovery that comes with that sleep is crucial for my well-being, and I don’t get it enough.
Hence, by being burned out, the first thing that went was my writing. The time I would spend writing went to either naps or just vegging into space in complete bewilderment. I often tried, sitting at the computer with my blog site open, to write.. only to stare lifelessly into the abyss of technology. Nothing came out it and I’d close the computer and feed my kids.
On days I wanted to write I’d open my blog site and write a fictional story about a man looking for answers in his Grandfather’s murder. Some times I would write a post about life, or fitness, or something and stop half way, stuck at a fork in the road. Instead of choosing a turn, I’d quit. Other days I’d try to write only to say to myself “I have no idea what to write about” or “Nobody wants to read this shit” and I’d quit again.
I’m trying to get back into writing. I’ve written five books, hundreds of blog posts, thousands of daily emails, and as of right now, I feel like I never wrote a day in my life.
My attention span seems pretty shitty as of late as well. Whatever though, because these excuses are just that, excuses. I can pick up my fingers and write something like “Go fuck yourself and stop being a whiny little bitch and start writing and keep going. Don’t quit because quitters are losers, blah the fucking blah blah.” and in doing so, it’s practice and practice helps make you better. Writing is something that needs to be done everyday to get better. You won’t be able to write, if you don’t write. Right?