Chicken Fingers and French Fries


This weekend we planned to go to the St. Patty’s Day parade in town but with sleepy kids and a long and very quiet and peaceful nap, it just didn’t happen. No problem. Sometimes it’s better to just hang out and do nothing. But my daughter was upset and I felt bad so I blurted out “Go in your room and get ready. You’re going on a date.”

My daughter was stoked. She smiled and ran and picked out a cute outfit. I was taking her to dinner. Just Her and Daddy. Since it was a last minute deal I decided to just bring her down to the local pizza joint. If you know me, a former fatty and still a fatty at heart, I love chicken parm sandwiches. So we get to the pizza place and I ask the girl “What do you want to eat?” “I want chicken fingers and I want french fries and I want milk please.”

Have to love it! We ordered, me getting a sub, and waited for the food. My daughter played with her purse and said she had lots of money. Probably about five dollars and sixty cents. She gets her milk and says to me “Daddy, I really love you.” Pretty good way to melt a man’s heart.

She walked into the pizza place with a fancy jacket on and her purse around her shoulder like she was twenty one and shopping in 90210. The questions were endless. “Daddy, what are they doing?” “They’re having a pizza party.” “Why?” “Because the season must be over.”

We get our food and mine is done in thirty seconds. I look over at my peanut and she’s dipping her fingers in marinara sauce. “Dip. Dip. Dip.”

“Hey, you need to eat.”

“No, I’m just going to dip and dip and dip.”

“and drink my milk.”

Whatever. She’s cool. No problem. But I tell her if she eats some of the food that we’ll go to a store.

She grabs a chicken finger and takes a bite.

“Target! I want to go to Target.”

“No, we’re going to another store where you can buy anything you want with your money.”

We finish up eating and I have to say, the waiter.. he was weird. I asked him a few questions about the food and he had no idea about any of it. He gave me a diet coke with like a drop of the last of the syrup and said “Yeah, I should have known it was done. Looked it.”

Cool story bro.

I still tipped him well because men tip well. No two dollar tips for lunch and always twenty percent or more. Bad tippers are assholes. And people remember people who tip well. Even at a bar. I watch derpheads order light beers and fruity drinks and they never tip. I just want to smack them and I know the bartender does too.

Here’s an important life lesson on bar etiquette: Tip for every drink and don’t be a clown who doesn’t. One buck a drink. Don’t be a cheapskate chump.

So we’re done eating and we leave to go to the store. She asks where we’re going and we walk down to the dollar store.

Kids.. big deal with the dollar store right?

Wrong. It was like she was in Disney.

I told her, go get whatever you want. And in no time, she was done. Walked right up to the register and told the lady “I’m going to buy these with my money.”

She got a flower for Mommy.

This lady was great. And patient.

I tried this one time with her at Target and the people behind me in line and the cashier gave off this unpleasant impatient vibe that kind of ruined it for me. The sigh of the cashier when my daughter fumbled through six one dollar bills made me want to bitch slap her. The young lady and her boyfriend or fiance or husband or just boy-friend behind us crossed their arms and leaned on their hips like they were tired from standing for thirty seconds. Again.. Stockton slap.

Anyway, the whole point of this story is this..

Dads… take your daughters on dates. Even if it’s to the pizza joint or the dollar store. They’re going to love every second of it and you’ll never forget those moments. You’ll never get another chance for your daughter at that age to experience that meal with you. Take the time to be a good man and show your daughter how her future man should act.

And when you hear “Daddy, I really love you.”, it makes your day.


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