I can start off with a sobering tone and whine about how hard my life has been the past two years, but instead of looking for sympathy or support, I want teach something from my experience. Today, I’m taking the second step in getting my mind right. The first step was calling a doctor and asking for help.
What I thought was just a funk is proving to be much more. I can’t seem to snap out of it fully and feel myself. I am forcing through willpower, discipline and determination to be better and live my life activated. But it’s exhausting and not natural. About 5 to 6 years ago I was on fire. I started a fitness business from scratch and grew it fast. I went from my driveway to an MMA gym to my own facility and did so starting with zero dollars. I began writing and published 5 books. My blog had new posts every other day and my social media conversations were electric. The Your Life Activated podcast went up with over 40 episodes and it all felt easy. I was in a FLOW state and much of the writing and audio work was stream of consciousness, meaning it just came.. easily. I didn’t have to think.
Then things got tricky and began to plummet. My mindset shifted, my energy dulled, and my enthusiasm for helping people vanished. There were a couple of situations I avoided because I hate confrontation and it crawled up my back and blinded me to reality. Eventually I had to take action and change what was happening, but it was hard.
For the past two years I have lived quietly and secluded from much because I know I am not living the best life I can. Life kicked me, punched me, and hulk smashed me into the ground and it ruined a lot of the fun I was having. All of it created from within. Many good people have stopped coming around because they sense it and don’t need it. I can’t let that happen anymore.
Willpower is working and my discipline is growing stronger but eventually the road will end. You can try to force a square peg into a round hole but sooner or later the peg will break or the hole will crack, or worse it gets stuck, and then things are fucked. Force doesn’t work out in the long run. Besides, when things were coming naturally and flowing through me, it was effortless.
Looking back through my books and blog posts I see that I go through peaks and valleys. One month I’m on fire, the next I want to hide. For the sake of my happiness and the people around me, enough is enough.
For the past few weeks I have been doing higher intensity workouts to pump blood through my body, boost dopamine, and exert pent up energy. I continue to push myself outside of the comfort zone I resided in for years. I have also been using CBD oil for anxiety and pain relief since May of last year and can say that it has genuinely helped reduce anxiety and has allowed me to move and feel much better, especially in my hips.
It’s been some time since I wrote a heartfelt blog post with the intention of helping others and it feels good to do so. I know others are suffering through difficult stages of life and you don’t have to do it alone. Mission: Reintroduce me to the old me and then say hi to the New Me. Objective: Feel better. Recapture the energy of my passion and use it to help others reach their goals. Until then, believe in yourself.