A Change For The Better

A goal I brought forward with me in 2015 is “No expectations”. Over the past year the battle between reality and my ego created a brutal war to my energy, my happiness, and my success. Most of 2014 was spent chasing the expectations I had for my business and personal growth, and when things didn’t go as planned, I freaked. I wanted to make the most of 2015 and continue the increasing happiness I was experiencing at the end of the year. Therefore, I said “Two things that I will live by in 2015, this is the year of “no” and no expectations.”.

The past few weeks have been a little crazy and I’m glad I put my expectations to the side for now. I’ve spent more time with my children during this time than at any previous point in time. In a way, I’m sort of a stay at home dad. I’ve brought my children to the gym with me and even had my daughter root me on with “Yay Daddy” as I did some lunge jumps and pull-ups. Most of my work and goals have been put on the shelf for now as I’ve come to terms with the truth that being a good father is more important than anything else.

Two of my last group coaching calls were done on mute as I changed dirty diapers and hung out with my kids. The speed I normally get through books has slowed to about half the pace. I no longer come home from work and dive into hours of more work or self improvement. Letting go of all expectations has freed up my mind and released as much stress as an hour float session.

Saying no feels pretty good as well. I’ve been a people pleaser for a long time. Doing things that caused me to feel stress and subtracted my free time was normal. I put others before myself and my family, but so far in 2015, the “no” is proving powerful.

Truthfully, I’m not sure what has sparked this change in my attitude, feelings, emotions, and lightness. One day, recently, I woke up and felt like I was back. As if I was drifting unconsciously, but consciously, through time in another world. It feels like I was here, writing, doing the gym, being a husband and father but it also feels like it wasn’t the real me. Almost felt like I was faking many parts of my life or so wrapped up in expectations and disappoint that I failed to be truly present. This new found moment is bringing many great changes to my life already. I’m eating cleaner, I’m sleeping better, I’m training harder, and I’m writing more.

I’m doing it all with no expectations and it feels amazing. But, it isn’t easy. Just this morning I experienced the letdown of having an expectation. For a moment I let my emotions and feelings, my ego, become more present than my awareness of self. I showed anger, frustration, and disappointment. It wasn’t long before I realized I was wrong and my expectation of the desire within was selfish. The path won’t be easy and already the roadblocks are falling into place, but being aware of them and taking corrective measures, I am sure I can tackle this goal.

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